SNAP POP FIZZLE

Well, last week I just didn't have the time to do a blog. So, Friday I should have just sent out

No Blog today - my brain has gone away!!


But this week started off with a bang.

Because it is our busy tax season I work weekends, in fact, we basically work, on call,  seven days running and running until...well the end of April. So when dear husband asked me to have the appointment letters mailed out on Monday...and this was Sunday morning...I got busy and wrote them out.

Of course, after several warnings, which I ignored,  my postal machine was low on postage and when I went to fill it I received a message that it was indeed transacting with the automatic refill and then....

'connection lost'

try again, and again and again.

A call to customer service - no answer because this is a WEEKEND. Okay, try again...and again....for an hour. Flames now shooting out of my ears and the air around me blue I tried contacting them via email. No live chat. Last resort (and I have done this before)....email the PRESIDENT.

Within five minutes he got back to me. No kidding. I have talked to Lou before, so I can call him Lou. He seems like a really attentive, concerned President ...and obviously works seven days a week. My kind of guy.

He passed along my concerns to tech and customer support and in due time I did receive emails from these two, with helpful suggestions. I am sure they were more than thrilled to be called on a Sunday by Lou.

Lo and behold 7:30 a.m. Monday morning I tried again and yes....I've got postage!! Envelopes stamped and happy husband.

Then I received a phone call.....from someone in tech support...who explained to me what he thought had happened. Bottom line  - let's blame it on the computer.

I said, very nicely, that their company offers Postage on Demand, therefore it doesn't matter if it is a weekend, or three in the morning, if I dial up for a postage meter refill I should get it.

A lot of techno babble later - oh and English wasn't his first language plus he had a stutter and his name, kid you not,  Hikey Wong - I finally, firmly, told Hikey that this was an on going problem and they should fix it because Lou and I were getting pretty tired of the whole thing.

In the end - I think he was happy to just hang up.


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Next - the house alarm on our daughters house went off. Which is strange because a lot of other things turned off...like the fridge!

As she bought her house from Gramps estate you can't really go and ask questions of the guy who used to live there. This alarm hasn't been on for years, in fact I thought it WOULDN'T go on because one of the windows wasn't quite right and the connection was lost. Well, I was wrong!

Luckily, and for reasons only known to my Psyche, I actually had the alarm code written down.

Then, a quick, late night call to the the man who is doing the renovations to the house, and who we know had been trying valiantly to do work around things with the electrical in the house.....and hopefully an electrician will be over this week to have a good look at the entire electrical system. Ca ching!

We are talking old school Gramps style fixing here - 'my friend at the club used to be an electrician and he said he will come over and look at this' I am sure there is a lot of double taping and even some chewing gum quick fix to be discovered. Oh Joy !!! At the moment the alarm is just beeping...every few seconds.

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There is a move afoot to have the GST exemption on menstrual products. (Guys...you can skip this part if you want.)

Incontinence products are exempt from this tax, and for reasons only known to the brains in the Government - so are wedding cakes.

One commenter wrote that the government shouldn't pander to this particular "special-interest group."

Special interest group????...we are talking half the population here - WOMEN! And menstrual products are not a luxury. Believe me if you asked women if they would rather not have their monthlies there would be a huge collective YEAH. It's not like we go to the spa for a week a month. Give us a break!

Things I have learned this week:

At times comments on the Internet are pretty entertaining.

For some weird reason there was a picture in the entertainment section of John Travolta giving Scarlet Johansson a kiss on the cheek while at the Oscars. I have to admit that John is looking better now that he has let his hair grow back - or got implants or is wearing a wig. ANYWAY, one of the comments under the picture made me laugh out loud, it read:

"Isn't John Travolta dead?'


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sometimes graffiti is funny

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Lately I have heard some bad things about that fav chocolate product Nutella. Like, even though the ads state how 'good' it is for you, it is still basically a jar of sugar. But now the firefighters in London, Ontario say the sun rays refracted by a Nutella jar on a window sill caused a house fire.

They couldn't just state a 'jar' but NO - they had to say a specific Nutella jar - really? What if it had been a Bick's pickles without garlic.........

YOU CAN RUN....BUT CAN YOU HIDE???

I read an article about how Brazil is trying to shed the image as a fugitives' haven. It basically reaffirmed to me that there are a lot of narcissistic criminals out there who feel entitled to do as they please and not face the consequences of their actions. 

As convicted murderer and paedophile Phillip Smith relaxed in a hostel on a cobbled street in Rio de Janeiro, having successfully absconded from the authorities in his native New Zealand, he sent an email to a radio station - basically bragging about how he got away!! 

The 40-year-old was on a 72-hour release from prison ( WHY??? Boy Scout meeting??) when, using a passport in his original name, Phillip Traynor, he took a flight to Chile and then onto Brazil. His escape, he said, had only been "moderately difficult". What??? And I am the one taking off my shoes and belt while following a senior citizen in a walker who is being patted down by airport security! 

Phillip was, he imagined, the latest in a long line of successful fugitives to make their home in Brazil - including Great Train robber Ronnie Biggs, who lived for decades in Rio, and Josef Mengele, the notorious Nazi concentration camp doctor. But hours after checking into the Rio hostel, he was arrested by members of Brazil's Federal Police. Yeah, Police - 1, Phillip - 0.

Well, that's what happens when you get cocky, just like, Michael Misick who enjoyed a lifestyle every bit as glamorous as his fiefdom's numerous celebrity guests as premier of the Turks and Caicos Islands. From premier to prisoner. 

Despite declaring assets of only $50,000 when elected in 2003, six years later he lived in a 16 million dollar mansion and had allocated his then-wife Lisa Raye McCoy a clothing budget of up to $200,000 a month! It's a tropical climate....bathing suit - check, t shirt - check, shorts - check.

After an inquiry in 2009, Mr Misick left the Caribbean amid claims that he had illegally profited from multi-million-dollar sell-offs of Crown land. Well, he didn't get all that money selling tours to tourists. He resurfaced in Rio and being in the "you can't touch me" club, he continued his lavish lifestyle in an apartment near Ipanema beach.

He is said to have chosen Brazil because of an ambiguity in its 1997 extradition treaty with the UK which meant as a subject of a British colony he could not be extradited. HA! You silly bugger....not so. Mr Misick was arrested in December 2012 and ended up in Ary Franco, a prison run by the state government of Rio de Janeiro. Sadly, A UN subcommittee had earlier that year described the jail as "dark, dirty, steamy and cockroach-infested" and demanded its immediate closure. Bad lucky, chappie!

It was from his prison cell that Mr Misick then mounted a letter-writing campaign condemning the British government and complaining that he was "perishing" in jail. I have no idea what happened to his ex-wife and all of her clothing.

Another who faced a strikingly similar situation was Irish lawyer Michael Lynn.

Wanted over an alleged mortgage fraud, he fled Ireland in 2007 with debts of $90m. He set up a new life for himself and his family in a villa near the beach city of Recife, while starting up a new company to have another shot at becoming a property tycoon.

He openly registered himself with the authorities, apparently sure that the fact his wife Brid had had a Brazilian-born child meant - like train robber Ronnie Biggs - he could not be extradited.

But he, too, was misinformed - that law had been repealed in the 1990s. Can't these guys do The Google???

So, if YOU want to become a criminal and need a safe haven to hide out in  (not necessarily a cold Communist country) ...here are six places in the world where you can do this...successfully:

Croatia, Kazakhstan, Dubai, Bhutan and Western Sahara (under Morocco's guidance). And Cuba - for now. Just - Keep your head down and blend in. Good luck!!!

Things I have learned this week:

Every year it just gets better.

Grammy Awards 2015 - What the hell???

On the left is our Madge...looking like a really, really bad pirate. Then Kim K in a sparkly bathrobe. Rhianna in.....pink???? I've seen a Barbie birthday ake topper similar to this dress...... and someone else who just has bad taste. How are these people allowed to go out their front door without someone stopping them and explaining that MAYBE they have made a bad choice. Gee - seemed like a good idea at the time.


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There is a Lego version of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer. It has the whispery voice of the female lead...and the lead male who states things like "I don't do romance."....just as insipid as the real trailer I am afraid - but the acting is better.

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And again with the Fifty Shades - "Love" shops are expecting to have a rise in sales once the movie hit the theatres......unfortunately the emergency wards are also gearing up!

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Woman finds image of Jesus in dog's ear.....I am not kidding

Must have been a slow news day.

MAKE....ART!!!

My friend told me NOT to watch the new Noah film staring Russell Crowe. She said it was very strange and had transformers in it. Well, anyone who knows and loves BumbleBee (the yellow transformer) will know that the objects in Noah don't resemble a transformer at all. However, they are very strange and I don't think they were ever mentioned in the the Bible. Not that I have ever READ the entire bible.

The movie has been described as.... An "ambitious adaptation." Uh oh....we know what that means.....ART!

Russell states: " I think, people are seeing the movie and they're realising how respectful it is and how potent it is."

"You come out of this movie and you want to talk … about our stewardship of the earth, our relationship to animals, what is spirituality, who am I in this world – all these fantastic subjects for conversation," he said. "Art that can do that for people is a wonderful thing."

Yes it is...but it isn't THIS movie. I think when I came out of the movie I would be discussing how I lost two hours of my life over this shite and that is cost me a lot of money to see. Luckily we watched it on Netflix. 

The studio reportedly had been so desperate to win over Christian audiences in the U.S. of A. that it tested one version of Noah which opened with a montage of religious images and ended with a Christian rock song. Well....That didn't work!

I suppose they wanted it to cash in like Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ. But,  Paramount now appears to have given up on its efforts to market Noah to Christians, with the studio issuing a statement in February making clear that the movie is not intended as a direct translation of the bible story. Really? You don't give the human race enough credit to figure that out???

One reviewer said "It does take some artistic license, " Ya think?  I do believe he is referring to the .....very large lava like creatures with shining eyes who speak English with the heavily-filtered voices of Nick Nolte and Frank Langella. They are angels who have been trapped this way, but in the end they burst apart and fly upward in a misty, golden glow......home, I am going home.....and YES - we actually stuck it out to the bitter end, unlike my girl friend who fell asleep.

Noah and his aged grandfather Methuselah (played by Anthony Hopkins living in a cave - is Sir Anthony out of money???) turn the latter into sort of a Biblical equivalent of  E.T or Yoda with all the wisdom that comes with those characters. "Boat float...... it will" 

I also came across this review written by someone who, I have to think, was in an altered state when they viewed it:

" Russel Crowe must compete for viewer attention with mind numbing special effects which are seldomly seen on screen and in cinema with that authentic wow reaction that we all had the first time we saw Jurassic Park, but the wows keep coming as the film is given an authentic feeling of under the fingernail deeply embedded very coarse shades of gray, grit and grime throughout this action packed often with violent frenetic and occasionally romantic moments." Wow - I can hardly breath....did we actually see the SAME movie???

 The film Noah is more of a surrealist nightmare disaster picture forever fused to a parable of human greed and a bit of the crazies tossed in for good measure. All based on the bestselling book of all time, the Bible, mainly the Book of Genesis. So it's not even original....well, except for the large lava things. 

When discussing this with my girlfriend, who is an absolute font of knowledge, she said "Don't you remember when Paul Newman took out an ad telling people not to watch his movie The Silver Chalice?" No,,,I was like, man, 16 and doing my Hippie thing....not reading the newspaper!!

Paul Newman was apparently not proud of his performance in The Silver Chalice. When the film was broadcast on television in 1966, he took out an advertisement in a Hollywood trade paper apologizing for his performance, and requesting people not to watch the film. Of course this backfired, and the broadcast received unusually high ratings. Newman called the film "the worst motion picture produced during the 1950s", and once screened it for guests at his home, handing out pots, wooden spoons, and whistles and encouraging the audience to offer noisy critiques.

The film featured unusual semi-abstract settings and decor

Writing in the first edition of his Film Guide in 1977, Leslie Halliwell described the film as "Po-faced biblical hokum ... with howlingly bad casting and direction ... a sea of boredom", assigning it 0 stars out of 4. I can't even imagine what he would have said about the film Noah....

Things I've learned this week:

Fifty Shades of Grey is coming out soon and everyone is talking about the lack of chemistry between the two stars. One person even went so far as to tweet:

"I don't think any actors can compete with the compelling dialogue of the book."

I READ THE WRONG BOOK? Compelling dialogue???

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Colleen McCullough, author of The Thorn Birds,  was described as "plain of feature, and certainly overweight, nevertheless a woman of wit and warmth." in a recent newspaper obituary. 

I ...can't ....even ....speak! 

"Elvis Presley, fat and sparkly, but a real good singer..."

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The DUDE - Actor Jeff Bridges has recorded an album which he hopes will help insomniacs.

The Sleeping Tapes sees him talking over "relaxing sounds and other stuff to help you get some rest". Surprisingly, its quirkiness means it's not quite as relaxing as the Big Lebowski star may have imagined, BUT it seems to work for Jeff:

"While working on the Sleeping Tapes album we put in some long hours.  Listening back to our day's works, I'd often drift off. I'd wake up and smile saying, ‘Hey, this stuff works.'  Oh Jeff....sigh. There is a Seniors home with your name on it.