SPRING IS IN THE AIR...COUGH, COUGH, GAG

Our mid-Canada city is expanding by leaps and bounds. Not only is our 'rural' property now a three minute drive from a bank, grocery store and drug store but this end of the city has literally grown right out to the perimeter ring road that ends the city limits.

Our daughters friend and his girlfriend have built a "dream' house on the southern edge of the city - the newest part several miles away from us...where houses spring up overnight like giant looming mushrooms on the horizon.

He was talking to our daughter and telling her that they are planning on selling this year - why - because they can't even step out on their deck to enjoy a morning coffee because of the smell....

We live on the Prairie - not rolling hills of Prairie - but even, level, you can see your dog run away for five days FLAT. So what is that mini mountain over there to the south?

That, my dear friends, is the southern edge of the building development with a ribbon of four lane tarmac running through it where I turn to go to 'town." On some days, even now in the winter, I can actually TASTE that certain smell......

We like to call it Mount Waverly....others call it the CITY DUMP. Not just a blip on the Prairie landscape, but a massive, miles long, pile of refuse. Been there for years, not going anywhere anytime soon. So why build a very expensive, huge, three story house within sight of the undulating hill of garbage? I can hear the hew and cry now.....close the dump, close the dump. We built our beautiful house and now we can't even go outside...close the dump!

My suggestion to our daughters friend. Sell - NOW - not in the spring or a hot August day. The yard may not look as green and pleasant, but at least the smell won't knock you over.


***

I called to make airlines reservations for our return from Arizona next January. I have to call rather than book online, because we take dog Danny and he needs a space in the hold under the pilot and a direct flight. When speaking with the woman about the dog she asked:

"What kind of a dog is he?"
and I replied " A collie, just like Lassie."
and she said "Oh, I love Labs!!!"


Things I've learned this week:

The Jelly Belly people are closing their Wisconsin plant and moving to Tennessee.

I wonder what this Wisconsin guy is going to do???

I'm talking about the guy on the left...not the one on the right....

***

Even if you suspect your old cat is now deaf you still talk to her as if she can hear you.....she just doesn't react!

What?....Say again....what?

****

"food is not love, most of what your pet wants from you is affection and attention."

Dennis weighed what five of his breed would...yes he was that big. Because his owner fed him hamburgers and pizza and all things that dogs should not eat.

This is Dennis two years ago:

Unhappy, sad, fat Dennis who could only walk a few steps

This is Dennis today, after two years of dieting and exercise....oh, and a new owner!

Happy little guy, full of energy

Now if only all the people who live in Wisconsin and eat Jelly Belly could take a lesson......yeah - you in the white, wife beater above.....

Gods, Ghosts, Vamps and Werewolves...in the raw

During the week, while dear husband is out of town,, I generally knock off work, have my lonely little dinner and then settle in for a night of telly watching. At least that is what I used to do.

Since the advent of Netflix we have been binge watching a lot of British series and movies we never got around to viewing. So, when dear husband is on the road I don't want to watch the series we are in the middle of because then I would have to watch them all over again on the weekend.... therefore, instead of watching "drivel" on tv I have started watching 'drivel' on Netflix.

I kid you not. I first started out with "girlie" movies - or chickflicks, romcoms, well you get the idea. I soon ran out of those....and realized they are all the same!!! Just insert Jennifer Aniston or some other type like that and hang them out there on a loose plot with a happy ending. Then I got the idea that I would watch some series that dear husband would not be interested in.

Bring on The Almighty Johnsons. Made in New Zealand with four main actors I have never laid eyes on. It's corny, it's quirky and has a somewhat believable plot line...if you believe in Gods - as in mythical Gods who somehow found themselves colonising in New Zealand. See - drivel, but it passes the time and was somewhat amusing. I actually watched the entire series just to see how they wrapped it all up. Happy ending - they became mortal and would grow old and die just like the rest of us.

Next I started watching Being Human - the British version, because apparently their is an American version...who knew?  But I like the accents so that is how I got hooked on that one. Again a somewhat believable plot line...if you believe in vampires, werewolves and ghosts all co-habiting in an apartment. As the series popularity grew the main actors got offered better parts and well...departed in various way - hence Main Vampire killed by Main Werewolf. Main Werewolf wife just got written out of the show and was explained away as "being beaten to death in an alleyway by Vampires." Main Werewolf accidentally does himself in by 'tricking' his body to turning into a werewolf but only half of it does it and when he transforms back goes into heart, kidney and liver failure. SEE - I told you it had a plot!!

The original Main Vampire, with a lovely Irish accent, looked really familiar (and very handsome) so I Googled the actor and sure enough he was the best looking dwarf in the Lord of the Rings series.....except he looks much taller in Being Human.So that is where HE went when he left the show.

Werewolf, Vampire and Ghost - the plot thickens

The Main Werewolf did not look familiar at all but has gone on to another series or two. One being about a group of gay men. Apparently, in real life his is a gay male. He states that he came out to himself at around 15 years old and told his parents at 18 years old. His dad said "had he known earlier he would have done something to fix it." Seriously? Needless to say, they aren't talking anymore.

The female ghost went off to the afterlife, in the show, not in real life....after turning down 'death' about three times during the first three seasons. I guess after Vamp and Were left she figured she should go on to greener acting pastures as well. You can only GROW so much in these series and then they get rather soap opera. Happily they all ended up in the afterlife together - yes, even after decades of ripping people with claws and tearing necks out and drinking blood. Insert three new characters- amazingly a Vampire, a Werewolf and a Ghost who all live together in a B & B (No, I am serious - a B & B that has a 'no vacancy' sign permanently in the window). So, the series is back to square one with even more bizarre plots to follow.

What I had not anticipated with either of these two series is the SEX and Nudity! Really. I have never seen so many guy arses in my life! Apparently Gods and Vampires, Werewolves and Ghosts are very sexual and free and the U.K. and New Zealand are extremely open to showing all that matters on their series.But I still gave up after season four of Being Human when the good guys left the show....the replacements just weren't as cute - naked butts or not.

Things I have learned this week:

THEY are now saying that rats did not cause the plague. Which I have been saying for years. Apparently due to weather conditions there was a major rise in the population of giant gerbils at the time and they are the culprits. My dear ratty friends - you have been vindicated!

****

Rod Stewart has eight children. The eldest is 52 and the youngest is 4. I guess it's true - old rockers never die...they just find younger women.


****

There is a product out there that is simply...brilliant. Under the 'why didn't I think of that' category:

they come in different colours and can be used as a desk, table, flowerbox or even a cat perch.......

SNAP POP FIZZLE

Well, last week I just didn't have the time to do a blog. So, Friday I should have just sent out

No Blog today - my brain has gone away!!


But this week started off with a bang.

Because it is our busy tax season I work weekends, in fact, we basically work, on call,  seven days running and running until...well the end of April. So when dear husband asked me to have the appointment letters mailed out on Monday...and this was Sunday morning...I got busy and wrote them out.

Of course, after several warnings, which I ignored,  my postal machine was low on postage and when I went to fill it I received a message that it was indeed transacting with the automatic refill and then....

'connection lost'

try again, and again and again.

A call to customer service - no answer because this is a WEEKEND. Okay, try again...and again....for an hour. Flames now shooting out of my ears and the air around me blue I tried contacting them via email. No live chat. Last resort (and I have done this before)....email the PRESIDENT.

Within five minutes he got back to me. No kidding. I have talked to Lou before, so I can call him Lou. He seems like a really attentive, concerned President ...and obviously works seven days a week. My kind of guy.

He passed along my concerns to tech and customer support and in due time I did receive emails from these two, with helpful suggestions. I am sure they were more than thrilled to be called on a Sunday by Lou.

Lo and behold 7:30 a.m. Monday morning I tried again and yes....I've got postage!! Envelopes stamped and happy husband.

Then I received a phone call.....from someone in tech support...who explained to me what he thought had happened. Bottom line  - let's blame it on the computer.

I said, very nicely, that their company offers Postage on Demand, therefore it doesn't matter if it is a weekend, or three in the morning, if I dial up for a postage meter refill I should get it.

A lot of techno babble later - oh and English wasn't his first language plus he had a stutter and his name, kid you not,  Hikey Wong - I finally, firmly, told Hikey that this was an on going problem and they should fix it because Lou and I were getting pretty tired of the whole thing.

In the end - I think he was happy to just hang up.


*****

Next - the house alarm on our daughters house went off. Which is strange because a lot of other things turned off...like the fridge!

As she bought her house from Gramps estate you can't really go and ask questions of the guy who used to live there. This alarm hasn't been on for years, in fact I thought it WOULDN'T go on because one of the windows wasn't quite right and the connection was lost. Well, I was wrong!

Luckily, and for reasons only known to my Psyche, I actually had the alarm code written down.

Then, a quick, late night call to the the man who is doing the renovations to the house, and who we know had been trying valiantly to do work around things with the electrical in the house.....and hopefully an electrician will be over this week to have a good look at the entire electrical system. Ca ching!

We are talking old school Gramps style fixing here - 'my friend at the club used to be an electrician and he said he will come over and look at this' I am sure there is a lot of double taping and even some chewing gum quick fix to be discovered. Oh Joy !!! At the moment the alarm is just beeping...every few seconds.

***

There is a move afoot to have the GST exemption on menstrual products. (Guys...you can skip this part if you want.)

Incontinence products are exempt from this tax, and for reasons only known to the brains in the Government - so are wedding cakes.

One commenter wrote that the government shouldn't pander to this particular "special-interest group."

Special interest group????...we are talking half the population here - WOMEN! And menstrual products are not a luxury. Believe me if you asked women if they would rather not have their monthlies there would be a huge collective YEAH. It's not like we go to the spa for a week a month. Give us a break!

Things I have learned this week:

At times comments on the Internet are pretty entertaining.

For some weird reason there was a picture in the entertainment section of John Travolta giving Scarlet Johansson a kiss on the cheek while at the Oscars. I have to admit that John is looking better now that he has let his hair grow back - or got implants or is wearing a wig. ANYWAY, one of the comments under the picture made me laugh out loud, it read:

"Isn't John Travolta dead?'


****
sometimes graffiti is funny

****

Lately I have heard some bad things about that fav chocolate product Nutella. Like, even though the ads state how 'good' it is for you, it is still basically a jar of sugar. But now the firefighters in London, Ontario say the sun rays refracted by a Nutella jar on a window sill caused a house fire.

They couldn't just state a 'jar' but NO - they had to say a specific Nutella jar - really? What if it had been a Bick's pickles without garlic.........

YOU CAN RUN....BUT CAN YOU HIDE???

I read an article about how Brazil is trying to shed the image as a fugitives' haven. It basically reaffirmed to me that there are a lot of narcissistic criminals out there who feel entitled to do as they please and not face the consequences of their actions. 

As convicted murderer and paedophile Phillip Smith relaxed in a hostel on a cobbled street in Rio de Janeiro, having successfully absconded from the authorities in his native New Zealand, he sent an email to a radio station - basically bragging about how he got away!! 

The 40-year-old was on a 72-hour release from prison ( WHY??? Boy Scout meeting??) when, using a passport in his original name, Phillip Traynor, he took a flight to Chile and then onto Brazil. His escape, he said, had only been "moderately difficult". What??? And I am the one taking off my shoes and belt while following a senior citizen in a walker who is being patted down by airport security! 

Phillip was, he imagined, the latest in a long line of successful fugitives to make their home in Brazil - including Great Train robber Ronnie Biggs, who lived for decades in Rio, and Josef Mengele, the notorious Nazi concentration camp doctor. But hours after checking into the Rio hostel, he was arrested by members of Brazil's Federal Police. Yeah, Police - 1, Phillip - 0.

Well, that's what happens when you get cocky, just like, Michael Misick who enjoyed a lifestyle every bit as glamorous as his fiefdom's numerous celebrity guests as premier of the Turks and Caicos Islands. From premier to prisoner. 

Despite declaring assets of only $50,000 when elected in 2003, six years later he lived in a 16 million dollar mansion and had allocated his then-wife Lisa Raye McCoy a clothing budget of up to $200,000 a month! It's a tropical climate....bathing suit - check, t shirt - check, shorts - check.

After an inquiry in 2009, Mr Misick left the Caribbean amid claims that he had illegally profited from multi-million-dollar sell-offs of Crown land. Well, he didn't get all that money selling tours to tourists. He resurfaced in Rio and being in the "you can't touch me" club, he continued his lavish lifestyle in an apartment near Ipanema beach.

He is said to have chosen Brazil because of an ambiguity in its 1997 extradition treaty with the UK which meant as a subject of a British colony he could not be extradited. HA! You silly bugger....not so. Mr Misick was arrested in December 2012 and ended up in Ary Franco, a prison run by the state government of Rio de Janeiro. Sadly, A UN subcommittee had earlier that year described the jail as "dark, dirty, steamy and cockroach-infested" and demanded its immediate closure. Bad lucky, chappie!

It was from his prison cell that Mr Misick then mounted a letter-writing campaign condemning the British government and complaining that he was "perishing" in jail. I have no idea what happened to his ex-wife and all of her clothing.

Another who faced a strikingly similar situation was Irish lawyer Michael Lynn.

Wanted over an alleged mortgage fraud, he fled Ireland in 2007 with debts of $90m. He set up a new life for himself and his family in a villa near the beach city of Recife, while starting up a new company to have another shot at becoming a property tycoon.

He openly registered himself with the authorities, apparently sure that the fact his wife Brid had had a Brazilian-born child meant - like train robber Ronnie Biggs - he could not be extradited.

But he, too, was misinformed - that law had been repealed in the 1990s. Can't these guys do The Google???

So, if YOU want to become a criminal and need a safe haven to hide out in  (not necessarily a cold Communist country) ...here are six places in the world where you can do this...successfully:

Croatia, Kazakhstan, Dubai, Bhutan and Western Sahara (under Morocco's guidance). And Cuba - for now. Just - Keep your head down and blend in. Good luck!!!

Things I have learned this week:

Every year it just gets better.

Grammy Awards 2015 - What the hell???

On the left is our Madge...looking like a really, really bad pirate. Then Kim K in a sparkly bathrobe. Rhianna in.....pink???? I've seen a Barbie birthday ake topper similar to this dress...... and someone else who just has bad taste. How are these people allowed to go out their front door without someone stopping them and explaining that MAYBE they have made a bad choice. Gee - seemed like a good idea at the time.


****

There is a Lego version of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer. It has the whispery voice of the female lead...and the lead male who states things like "I don't do romance."....just as insipid as the real trailer I am afraid - but the acting is better.

***

And again with the Fifty Shades - "Love" shops are expecting to have a rise in sales once the movie hit the theatres......unfortunately the emergency wards are also gearing up!

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Woman finds image of Jesus in dog's ear.....I am not kidding

Must have been a slow news day.

MAKE....ART!!!

My friend told me NOT to watch the new Noah film staring Russell Crowe. She said it was very strange and had transformers in it. Well, anyone who knows and loves BumbleBee (the yellow transformer) will know that the objects in Noah don't resemble a transformer at all. However, they are very strange and I don't think they were ever mentioned in the the Bible. Not that I have ever READ the entire bible.

The movie has been described as.... An "ambitious adaptation." Uh oh....we know what that means.....ART!

Russell states: " I think, people are seeing the movie and they're realising how respectful it is and how potent it is."

"You come out of this movie and you want to talk … about our stewardship of the earth, our relationship to animals, what is spirituality, who am I in this world – all these fantastic subjects for conversation," he said. "Art that can do that for people is a wonderful thing."

Yes it is...but it isn't THIS movie. I think when I came out of the movie I would be discussing how I lost two hours of my life over this shite and that is cost me a lot of money to see. Luckily we watched it on Netflix. 

The studio reportedly had been so desperate to win over Christian audiences in the U.S. of A. that it tested one version of Noah which opened with a montage of religious images and ended with a Christian rock song. Well....That didn't work!

I suppose they wanted it to cash in like Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ. But,  Paramount now appears to have given up on its efforts to market Noah to Christians, with the studio issuing a statement in February making clear that the movie is not intended as a direct translation of the bible story. Really? You don't give the human race enough credit to figure that out???

One reviewer said "It does take some artistic license, " Ya think?  I do believe he is referring to the .....very large lava like creatures with shining eyes who speak English with the heavily-filtered voices of Nick Nolte and Frank Langella. They are angels who have been trapped this way, but in the end they burst apart and fly upward in a misty, golden glow......home, I am going home.....and YES - we actually stuck it out to the bitter end, unlike my girl friend who fell asleep.

Noah and his aged grandfather Methuselah (played by Anthony Hopkins living in a cave - is Sir Anthony out of money???) turn the latter into sort of a Biblical equivalent of  E.T or Yoda with all the wisdom that comes with those characters. "Boat float...... it will" 

I also came across this review written by someone who, I have to think, was in an altered state when they viewed it:

" Russel Crowe must compete for viewer attention with mind numbing special effects which are seldomly seen on screen and in cinema with that authentic wow reaction that we all had the first time we saw Jurassic Park, but the wows keep coming as the film is given an authentic feeling of under the fingernail deeply embedded very coarse shades of gray, grit and grime throughout this action packed often with violent frenetic and occasionally romantic moments." Wow - I can hardly breath....did we actually see the SAME movie???

 The film Noah is more of a surrealist nightmare disaster picture forever fused to a parable of human greed and a bit of the crazies tossed in for good measure. All based on the bestselling book of all time, the Bible, mainly the Book of Genesis. So it's not even original....well, except for the large lava things. 

When discussing this with my girlfriend, who is an absolute font of knowledge, she said "Don't you remember when Paul Newman took out an ad telling people not to watch his movie The Silver Chalice?" No,,,I was like, man, 16 and doing my Hippie thing....not reading the newspaper!!

Paul Newman was apparently not proud of his performance in The Silver Chalice. When the film was broadcast on television in 1966, he took out an advertisement in a Hollywood trade paper apologizing for his performance, and requesting people not to watch the film. Of course this backfired, and the broadcast received unusually high ratings. Newman called the film "the worst motion picture produced during the 1950s", and once screened it for guests at his home, handing out pots, wooden spoons, and whistles and encouraging the audience to offer noisy critiques.

The film featured unusual semi-abstract settings and decor

Writing in the first edition of his Film Guide in 1977, Leslie Halliwell described the film as "Po-faced biblical hokum ... with howlingly bad casting and direction ... a sea of boredom", assigning it 0 stars out of 4. I can't even imagine what he would have said about the film Noah....

Things I've learned this week:

Fifty Shades of Grey is coming out soon and everyone is talking about the lack of chemistry between the two stars. One person even went so far as to tweet:

"I don't think any actors can compete with the compelling dialogue of the book."

I READ THE WRONG BOOK? Compelling dialogue???

***

Colleen McCullough, author of The Thorn Birds,  was described as "plain of feature, and certainly overweight, nevertheless a woman of wit and warmth." in a recent newspaper obituary. 

I ...can't ....even ....speak! 

"Elvis Presley, fat and sparkly, but a real good singer..."

***

The DUDE - Actor Jeff Bridges has recorded an album which he hopes will help insomniacs.

The Sleeping Tapes sees him talking over "relaxing sounds and other stuff to help you get some rest". Surprisingly, its quirkiness means it's not quite as relaxing as the Big Lebowski star may have imagined, BUT it seems to work for Jeff:

"While working on the Sleeping Tapes album we put in some long hours.  Listening back to our day's works, I'd often drift off. I'd wake up and smile saying, ‘Hey, this stuff works.'  Oh Jeff....sigh. There is a Seniors home with your name on it.

ATTENTION - Leggings are NOT pants.

I am always amazed by what GOD tells people to do. I am always amazed that God speaks to people anyway...but that is beside the point.

Apparently, an Oregon Christian blogger gave up leggings to honor God and her husband posted it on his blog and it sparked an 'international' debate.

The attention has made his wife, Mrs. Partridge uncomfortable. The Bend 'resident, burgeoning farmer and mother to one toddler' said she is a "reserved" person that doesn't like controversy. She didn't write about her decision to stop wearing leggings in public to spark a debate, she said, but because she felt like God was calling her to share her story with friends.

Personally, with all that strife in the world, I don't think that GOD would be concerned with Mrs. Partridge showing off her bottom....which is the point she is trying to make. She thinks seeing all the jiggly bottoms around the mall is sinful and she does not want to be part of it any more. She isn't completely giving up leggings and will continue to wear them around the house and if she HAS to wear them out, will have on a long top.


In her picture she looked completely normal....really..so looks can be deceiving. 


I would really like to read about someone, who has spoken to God, and been told that they should do good in the world. And I mean REAL good, like volunteering their time at a seniors residence or tutoring children who are having problems at school or helping animal shelters. But NO - generally - they are told, by Jesus, to kill someone. What the hell??? Or to collect more money for their church....or to spread The Word.  


Actually, I would, just once, like to hear a Lottery winner say they are going to do "good."  Not buy a new car, a new house and go on a vacation. How about spreading some of that new found wealth around...see above suggestions. 

So, that of course brings me to my usual rant about religion., and people who just can't keep their beliefs to themselves.


Just some things that annoy be about 'Christians' who are over the top......

First of all, and I have said this before, they have to tell me that they are Christian. I don't care and it will not sway my opinion of you in any way. In my opinion it does not necessarily make you a better person. But if you keep telling me how good you are....I will get annoyed.

Yelling out random words (“Praise Jesus,” “Hallelujah!”) while other people are trying to listen to the sermon. You agree with the pastor. We understand this. But just say it in your head or nod silently.

Tell me I’m on the “right path” by being there. In their church. I was doing just fine a couple hours ago, thank you very much.

Pass out Christian business directories. It’s like saying the Christian lawyer is trustworthy, but the Jew lawyer will take your money and the atheist lawyer will try to lose your case on purpose. This is not making a strong case for 'christian love.'

Ask me if they can pray for me.  If you want to, just go ahead and do it, but quietly, in your head and not in a public place.

(This actually happened to me one day when I was shopping with my young daughter. She had a bad cold and I commented on this to the young man who we knew, barely, through our mail lady.

He asked "Can I pray for her?" and I nodded okay (fill yer boots boy - it's only a cold) thinking he would do it next time in church. BUT THEN -  He actually got down on his knees - in WalMart!! - and reached out to my daughter, who tried to hide behind me and started to cry - loudly.)

Ask me if they can pray for me, then put their hands on my shoulders and begin praying. see above...Stop touching me or anyone in my family.

Mischaracterize people of other faiths or no faiths. “Those atheists know God is there; they just don’t want to follow His rules!”
“Those Muslims really want to become Christians"

Quickly to the MissionaryMobile!”

Keep your religious practises to yourself or speak quietly amongst yourselves. I don't tell you what I think...so don't try and foist what you think onto me. I'm not kidding....this is a warning....I am backing away....slowly....now.




Things I learned this week:

Paul McCartney is beginning to look even more like Angela Lansbury......

getting better....all...the....time....

****

Who ya gonna call??? A new lineup for a new Ghostbusters - all female cast. Some things should just be left alone. 

****

At times....Try to use small words. 

I had an exploding shower panel that was replaced with the wrong clear panel and now has to be replaced with the correct frosted panel. So I am speaking on the phone, to the guy at our DIY Rona store.

"Your man came out and replaced the panel and I know you are going to fix it, but now the integrity of the shower has been compromised and there is water on the floor." 

"Huh?"

"It LEAKS!"

I SEE THE LIGHTS COME SHINING....

The truth is out there — AND now, it seems, on the InterWeb.

The fabled Project Blue Book, the Air Force's files on UFO sightings and investigations, have, for years, tantalized and frustrated extraterrestrial enthusiasts ( aka Nutbars.)  However this last week nearly 130,000 pages of declassified UFO records were put online. A day to make XFile groupies pee their collective pants.

UFO enthusiast John Greenewald has spent nearly two decades filing Freedom of Information Act requests for the government's files on UFOs and other phenomena. John obviously doesn't have a day job.

BUT it paid off, because, on January 12, Greenewald posted the Blue Book files — as well as files on Blue Book's 1940s-era predecessors, Project Sign and Project Grudge — on his online database, The Black Vault.

Strangely, the one thing you won't find online are records related directly to the alleged 1947 Roswell, N.M., incident, where conspiracy theorists maintain the military recovered a crashed alien spacecraft and its occupants. (Cue eerie music here.) I have been to Roswell and to say City Counsel has embraced this part of their history is to put it mildly! There is even a FREE alien museum.....get your T-shirts here!

But the name Roswell does pop up several times in the declassified files. Several blurry photographs of lights in the sky were taken at Roswell in 1949. And in 1950. Airmen there spotted a circular object 10 feet in diameter with a bluish-white color going fast at 8,000 feet and taking a sharp turn to the right. True!

The National Archives maintains it "has been unable to locate any documentation among the Project Blue Book records which discuss the 1947 incident in Roswell, N.M." ( please note this omission  - conspiracy theorists).

Only in Roswell you say......We in Canada and the rest of the world haven't been left out in the UFO department: Here are just a smattering of news headlines.

UFO spotted hovering over iceberg in eastern Canada - An eyewitness claimed to have spotted a white object spinning and shape-shifting above the sea during an excursion to Salvador, Newfoundland.

A UFO whizzes past CCTV camera on darkened industrial estate - In this video, a bright, white object can be seen hurtling through the air at breakneck pace. It was recorded on a CCTV camera on an industrial site in Prokopyevsky, Russia.

A UFO attacked a Taliban camp in Afghanistan - This clip shows a triangular shaped airborne object open fire on an insurgent position. Explosions can be seen and a huge plume of smoke soon rises up in to the sky.

A Bizarre 'rotating' object spotted over London, England - A series of photographs showed a blackish, rotating object complete with a light in the skies above the capital. It later floated off in the direction of Highbury and Islington.

M  I   C.....K   E   Y.....

And finally- a US Army Air Force fighter jet destroyed a giant 'alien monster' in the desert - A video uploaded to YouTube purports to to show the moment a fighter jet bombs a bizarre, throbbing jellyfish-like object in New Mexico, in the United States.

Then of course there is this:

Happy World UFO Day! A mock UFO with alien dolls and reading ‘Smile, you are being abducted’ is seen in Alto Paraiso town, Goias State, in Brazil. 

But - I have my very own alien just down the road.....

He is missing an arm and is held together with duct tape, but, hey, his travels have him a long way from home.

 And a sign on the door....the owner told me 'it glows in the dark.'

Never give up, never surrender....never give up hope....

And Dear Husband asked the question:

'With all the cell phone cameras and digital cameras how come there aren't better pictures of UFOs???'  Good point Dear Husband. 

Things I've learned this week:

It was Martin Luther King day down here in the good old U S. of A this last week. What was closed? Banks, all Federal Offices, all State offices etc.  What was still open and working? WalMart, restaurants, construction, grocery stores, gardeners digging weeds.....think about this list for a moment, and who the majority of the workers are....... Yes, America - you've certainly come a long way.

****

The Sun newspaper,in England, will no longer feature topless women on Page Three, the Times has reported.

The Times said it understood Friday's edition of the Sun was the last that would carry images of topless women, although they would continue online.

Page Three has been a Sun feature for 44 years but has been criticised for being sexist and outdated. Ya think!!!!

***
Pictured below - Chinese soldiers throw snow onto their bodies in temperatures below -30C (-22F) during a winter training session at a military base in Heihe, Heilongjiang province. Apparently to make them...what? Stronger, more manly, smarter.....

In Canada we call this STUPID

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There is a website about a cat named Maru......  In which

'Maru Transcends The Very Concept Of Box'

When Maru gets into a box, he apparently, transforms the possibilities of that box. The box becomes an extension of Maru’s self – a specular transmission of his essence.

its a friggin CAT IN A BOX!!!

Only in Canada...... You Say

Voters knew surprisingly little about retired software engineer Richard Atwell when he put his name forward for mayor of Saanich, the 110,000-strong suburb bordering Victoria, B.C.in Canada.

The “About Me” page on his campaign website contained little more than pictures of HIS CAT and a few scattered endorsements

Apparently, Mr. Atwell was the only VIABLE candidate against the long standing mayor of the day.

So Saanich, B.C. Mayor Richard Atwell can be forgiven for finding himself "a little distracted" after admitting to lying about an extramarital affair, suggesting police are mounting a vendetta against him and accusing city staff of bugging his computer.

On December 11, the newly sworn-in mayor called police after reportedly finding himself in a physical standoff with the enraged fiancé of a female “campaign supporter, who he claimed was just a good friend. Really? Do most Mayors go to the homes of female campaign supporters to express their....um...thanks?

 Asked point blank whether he was having an extramarital affair, he nervously replied “no, we’re close friends.” Liar, liar pants on fire, is what I said at the time.

Then, lo and behold at a surprise  (cover your ass) press conference, Mayor Atwell admitted that he was “not totally truthful” about the affair. Sort of like being half a virgin.....This guy is just not helping himself.

Since he first put his name in as a candidate, Mr. Atwell said he has been pulled over four times by local police for infractions as inconsequential as taking a turn too wide or taking too long to turn left. Note the word 'infractions', as in WRONG!

“When he saw my driver’s license, he said in a cocky voice ‘well, if it isn’t Mayor Atwell,’” Mr. Atwell told the National Post by phone, describing his fourth such encounter. Oh, boo hoo Mr. Atwell. No one said becoming a Mayor was going to be easy.  Mr. Atwell is even described by colleagues as thoughtful and intelligent— if a bit awkward. This does not bode well for Saanich.

With all that going on he comes up with the idea that someone was spying on his computer.

‘Without my knowledge someone was planning to spy on everything I did on my computer’  he is quoted as saying (complaining, mewling etc.).

Without your knowledge?.....I do believe when you use the word "spy" that means they haven't asked you for permission.

 I think that at any workplace if you are given a computer to use, it would be the understanding that it was for workplace business, and if there was a spy software on it it would be to see what you are not supposed to be doing....gee.....lunch time porn comes to mind, or perhaps Interweb sites on cats.

Perhaps I am being a bit too harsh on poor, whiny Mr. Atwell. After all, one of Mr. Atwell’s first acts as mayor was to fire its recently appointed Chief Administrative Officer Paul Murray. The move cost the municipality upwards of $500,000 in severance pay, and was condemned unanimously by Saanich councilors. So, there could be some hard feelings.

"The mayor is really only one vote on council, so the rest of council can continue if they have the wherewithal to do so," and according to B.C.'s Community Charter, a mayor can only be fired for missing four consecutive council meetings. What??? HOWEVER, recently, the mayor's issues have become a distraction from his main job. Which is?????.

Keep in mind, Atwell is the latest in a long line of Canadian mayors to draw public attention as a result of 'personal indiscretions'. Their offences range from the criminal to the ridiculous. 

Toronto Mayor Ford denied trying the drug cocaine; but later explained he only did it when he was completely plastered on alcohol. Well, that certainly explains that!

Houston, B.C. mayor Sharon Smith had nude pictures emerge of her in the mayoral chair, sporting only her 'chain of office.' Why Sharon...why?

Former Kitimat, B.C. mayor Joanne Monaghan,  made headlines after she was hauled into court for violating bear-feeding regulations by giving food to squirrels.

But, there's a big difference between sleeping with someone else's fiance and feeding squirrels.


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I was in the supermarket here and saw a sign over an aisle that stated:
Mexican
Chinese
Crackers.

And I thought to myself  - ' Finally, we got our own aisle.'



Things I learned this week:

A long-haired tabby cat named Masha, in the freezing city of Obninsk, Russia, saved an abandoned baby by climbing into a box it was left in to keep it warm. So there, all you people who think that a cat will 'steal a baby's breath' if it gets into a crib...... Yeah Cats!!!

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Should you book a table for 13 people at London’s famous Savoy Grill, your party will be joined by an uninvited guest: a 3-foot-high wood sculpture of a regal black cat, called Kasper.

The tradition started in 1898 after an unlucky South African guest named Woolf Joel held a dinner party attended by only 13 people. All his guests knew the superstition about a terrible fate befalling the first person to rise from a dinner table of 13, but Woolf Joel took no notice of such silly beliefs and exited first after dinner, unconcerned about his future. On his return to South Africa shortly afterwards, he was tragically shot dead.


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There is a website that has pictures of cats who look like politicians. In this day and age, of course there is. This was one of my favs.

I have no idea who the guy is....but that cat has a lot of character. 

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And because this Blog is mostly about politicians and cats and I am a patriotic Canadian (somewhat) and a cat lover ( a LOT) but not at all political....here is MY Prime Minister holding a cat

Ah Stephen....all you need is a pin declaring "I heart kitties" and you just may get more votes.

YUM....TURKEY MUFFINS

I am sure that if you are a certain age you will know the rhyme Do You Know the Muffin Man.

It was a sing song I used to hum at one time, I am sure. There was even a game, albeit, Victorian times, where people would sit around a parlour and one person would start out:

Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man
Do you know the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane

The next person would sing -  Yes I know the muffin man, the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane

then the two of them would sing: Two of us know the muffin man....etc. etc. and so on until FINALLY everybody sings - We ALL know the muffin man....

Then I guess they poured the tea and carried on.

Okay - so, perhaps a little dreary for our times, and I am not to break out with this one at a party any time soon. But the point is.....I do KNOW the muffin man, but he doesn't live on Drury Lane.

Our neighbour from The Casa, up on the hill, brings fresh baked, steaming muffins right to our door on a regular basis. I even made him up a T-shirt with the fact that he is, indeed, THE Muffin Man, (and occasionally The Scone Man) at least in our neck of the woods.

I will have to have Dear Husband do up a musical ditty gift  in his honor:

Ode to Nick
Do you know the muffin (slash) scone man, oh do you know the muffin (slash) scone man......who lives up the hill in a house called The Casa.........and comes down with Ziplocks full of them......and gives them to the neighbours....early in the morning....

Well, Christmas is only what .....300 and some days away!!!

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We read, electronically, a lot of newspapers. Every morning with sit, hunched over our Blackberry Playbooks and talk back and forth:

"Are you on the BBC? Look at the third sidebar on the right....about....."

" No, I'm on the CBC, Manitoba checking out the weather. Give me a moment."

Then we discuss whatever the story is about. This beats of the old way of sharing one actual, paper printed newspaper, with Dear Husband peering at me over the top of his and READING the entire story while I was already on the Arts and Entertainment section.

As we are away from our home town, we do like to keep up on their local news. I was quite dismayed to discover that because we only have a weekend paper there, we could NOT get the electronic paper here. OH NO, we had to be a full, weekly subscriber for that! What the hell???

I also discovered that anyone, and that is ANYONE in their immediate area can access the paper, in full, for NOTHING!!! So, let's get this straight. I pay for the weekend printed paper and I read the electronic version for the rest of the week (for free) when there, but as soon as I am out of the area I have to pay. Okay. I realise that revenue has to come from somewhere, but REALLY!!!!

So, I am sitting at the dining room table and Dear Husband is gushing about the LIVE, twenty four hour, BBC (as in England, across the pond)  news cast he is watching FOR FREE,  and I think to myself  "and we can't even get the Winnipeg FREE Press."  HA!


Things I have learned this week:

The largest muffin ever baked was 195.55 pounds and after being measured was given away to a local hospice. And No, it didn't say what KIND of muffin.

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There is an actual website entitled: The Weirdest Incidents Involving Wild Turkeys This Week.

Just in case you are sitting eating your muffins and can't get to read your own local paper this is just fascinating.

An author in Lodi, California announced her upcoming children’s book, “Tom Kettleman—the People’s Turkey”—a tribute to the beloved, local wild turkey who routinely traversed six lanes of traffic until he was struck by a car earlier this fall. (The turkey, it was said, always used the crosswalk.) In the wake of Tom Kettleman’s death, residents held a candle-lit memorial for the turkey. He had “thousands of fans on Facebook.”

In Maryland, a group of people outside the Faith United Church of Christ were charged by a mob of wild turkeys; the congregants had stepped outside, to take a break, while cooking a large turkey dinner.

A Tennessee woman entered into a prolonged, fraught stand-off with a wild turkey that was blocking her car in her driveway. She tried shouting at the turkey, charging it with her vehicle and also coaxing it out of her way by feeding it a raspberry, but ultimately conceded, “I’m not a wild turkey, so I really have no idea what a raspberry means to a turkey.” In the end, she was able to scare the turkey away by hurling a frozen turkey at it.

AND I REPEAT, the title states 'This Week."

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Muffin Knight is an action-packed electronic game with stunning visuals and a myriad of fairytale characters, each with their own unique abilities, which gain strength as you advance.

This is the story of a little boy, on his journey to return the old fairy’s magical muffins. A strange curse was set on him: with each muffin he touches, he turns into a different creature. The old fairy promises to turn him back into a boy when he gets all the muffins back.

Yeah, we've all heard THAT before!!!

Year of the GIGI or Vajayjay

When I look back on 2014 I am reminded of how utterly ridiculous some 'newsworthy' events can be. I mean, really, with all the strife in the world, we are still obsessed by the absurd. And I'm not talking about Hollywood here.

When I was a youngster my' private part' was referred to as a GiGi (not too sure of the spelling, but since it is a made up word I will go with this). It is/was  pronounced ghee ghee...not like the movie starring  Charles Boyer.

Vagina is a stupid word at the best of times; having it shouted by a three-year-old can only add to its unutterable weirdness. So what can kids call it instead? The options are woeful, but they would appear to be as follows:

★ Front bottom

★ Flower

★ Kitty

★ Bajingo

★ Foo-foo

★ Hoo-hee

★ Hoo-hoo


I remember flying to visit my Mom, with my then two year old daughter, and when we flew over the city of Regina the pilot announced that fact.

 'For those of your on the left side of the plane, we are flying over Regina.'

My daughters eyes grew wide and she leaned toward the window and yelled in an astonished voice...'.we are flying over.....a VAGINA????'

The vagina has been the most obsessed-over body part since apes began to walk upright. Just ask any teenage boy....

Life in the Stone Age was relatively simple. I'm thinkin' one’s job was to eat and reproduce. Neither was easy back then, so Stone Age man turned to the mystical properties of cave art to help ensure the hunts for both game and the opposite sex. This image below, of a vulva, one of the earliest known examples of cave carving, is also one of the oldest known examples of artwork. There has been some argument among experts as to whether or not this circle with a slash through it is in fact a vagina. Perhaps—but I think it looks exactly  like an ‘On/off’ button.

Aurignacian vulvar representation, circa 35,000 B.C., Vézère Valley, France

HAHA you will never look at your keyboard the same from now on.............

But is it art?

For some strange reason Henri's cupcakes sold extremely well at the church fund raiser. 

Then of course, this obsession is  not something new. Back in the day we had Madonna, who for some strange reason, thought her coffeetable book of her own body parts, including her PRIVATES (not so much now) was a great idea. A coffeetable book!!!!....something to flip through while your hostess is preparing dinner??

But 2014 seemed to be a year to remember for society bringing that part of a womans body into the forefront, so to speak......".Man stuck in stone vagina" reads the headline. Apparently there is a large stone vagina sculpture in Germany. An American student decided it would be a good idea to actually crawl into it.....he said on a dare. Yeah right. Personally I think  he was recreating his birth.

ANYWAY, he is now immortalized on the Interweb with the upper part of his body sticking out of a very large, very pink vagina. It is said that the 'firefighters delivered him headfirst.'   Put that on your resume buddy.

Then of course, there is the woman who decided to build a kayak shaped like her vagina. How does she know what hers looks like? Digital photography works wonders.....no more guy at the pharmaceutical store gazing adoringly at your private parts as they shoot out of the film machine...... EEEWWWWW.

No, now she can snap away in the privacy of her own home until she gets the right angle and then proceed to 'make art.' Last I heard she is up on charges for indecency. I'm wondering, if she hadn't actually told someone that this is what was represented....would anyone have noticed?

Last but not least, and closer to home. My Dear Husband told someone that Niki Minaj  (if you don't know who she is, don't worry, you are probably better off not knowing about her)....put a picture of her own private part on her latest album. Well, that is simply not true, and I don't know where that rumor started but I am concerned that Dear Husband looked at it and saw THAT!

'We are going to try a Rorschach test Mr. B. What do you see here?'

Dear Husband, ' I think a young naked woman sat in some pink paint and then sat on some paper and put it on the cover of her latest album.'

' REALLY!!!!!!  VERY interesting.....'

In FACT, the cover picture is a sandy textured pink splatter with a thumb print in the middle on a black background.

But it makes me ponder.....How many women in the world.... are all sitting on their assets.


Things I have learned this week:

It is extremely hard to find a funky, quirky, house appropriate tea pot here in the southern U.S. of A. I have been looking in every shop we visit. Sure I have found some, but none that will fit the bill....as in MY bill. I want one that goes with the house. Crazy, I know, but that is what I am looking for. Of course down here when someone says "would you like a cup of tea?" they mean a CUP - NOT a pot. Toss a tea bag in a cup and dunk it up and down...there you go. No, that is not the way to make tea. Tea is a process - a process with a pot - and I will continue my search.


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We are very, very lucky to have family and friends. We wish them all the best in the coming new year.