Detectorist - a Short Lived Hobby

 

On the night of December 17^th, 1988, Christine Jack disappeared. It was a dark and stormy night. The temperature was hovering at -17 degrees Celsius with a wind gusting to 43 kilometers per hour. Visibility would have been limited with blowing snow.

As with the majority of missing person cases, the spouse is the first person to eliminate as a suspect on the list. In this case her spouse Brian. He was eventually charged with her murder even though as of today her body has not been discovered. Leading the prosecution team was John D. Montgomery who went on to write Trials and Errors - The People vs Brian Gordon Jack. In his opinion it was all a huge miscarriage of justice. A conviction was won but after three trials, numerous appeals and two appearances before the Supreme Court of Canada, that court entered a judicial stay of proceedings. Brian Jack is a free man even though he was convicted of manslaughter.

This story is not about Brian Jack, even though his testimony changed several times and the majority of people who know the facts believe him guilty of murdering his wife and disposing of her body on that cold, windy, wintery night in Manitoba.

December 17^th happens to be my wedding anniversary and the night in question would have been my 5^th. For that reason I remember the night. Just before bed I looked out the window, shivered and said aloud to my husband “I wouldn’t want to be out on a night like tonight.” Days later when the news broke of Christine’s disappearance I vividly remembered my comment.

In 1991 we bought a cabin on Pickerel Lake in Ontario, which is a two hour drive from our house.  At that time I wrote this in a notebook

 “Right from our first trip to our cabin I knew I had a connection with the area around Spruce Siding…a large island of dense trees locked between two highways.”

Throughout that summer and every summer subsequently I would get a ‘sense of panic, dread, a feeling of another presence trying to tell me something’ when approaching Spruce Siding.

Let me make it clear – I am not superstitious. I do not believe in ghosts but I do believe in spirit, energy or life force.

 “Crazy, creepy and strange – I knew it was Christine Jack.”

I eventually wrote a novel loosely based on the events of that night. It was a long book and had a few re-writes. I let friends read it then put it away but that sense of ‘something’ never left me.

We eventually sold the cabin and I didn’t think about Christine for a few years.

2020 was a strange year for the entire world. 

I have a brother who lives in Kenora, Ontario and going to visit him means passing Spruce Siding. In my mind I give a nod to Christine whenever we pass – it doesn’t freak me out anymore so I am not sure what has changed but I get less of a sense of Christine now.

March of 2021 over dinner one night the subject of Christine came up. My husband and I talked about how Brian Jack ‘got off’ charges for murder and I once again reiterated my feelings for her and mentioned that it had crossed my mind to go and look for her….or anything that remained of her or belonged to her.

Brian Jack stated that she took her car keys, purse and coat when she left the house the night she disappared. That night her car, with Brian driving, was seen in Ste. Anne, which is a small town out on the highway not far from Winnipeg. The car wasn’t working properly and witnesses stated Brian had stopped at a mechanics for help. Brian said he was on his way to Kenora and it was stated that he was acting strange. After having a hose replaced he said he would take the car for a test drive and then come back and pay, but the mechanic and a friend followed Brian who eventually pulled over then paid up. Brian continued down the highway toward Kenora.

He didn’t go to Kenora as the timeline of that night proved.  He would have had to make a turn to go back to the city. With the body of Christine in the car – as suspected – so where did he leave her? The Spruce siding area is not far from Ste. Anne. He couldn’t just pull over and dump her in the ditch at the risk of being seen so Spruce Siding was the first left turn that offered some cover.  Burying her wasn’t even an option as the ground was frozen. By spring there shouldn’t  be too much left if he just left her out in the elements.

A client of ours told us he knew Brian Jack and one night, while drinking with him, Brian had ‘hinted’ that he had disposed of Christine’s body in one of the abandoned gold mine shafts  around Bissett, Manitoba.  Bissett is located two hours north of the city of Winnipeg. The night of December 17^th it was blowing snow and Brian was driving a car with engine trouble. There is no way Christine’s body would have been left at that location – unless he did this at a later time. Was that even possible?

When Christine went missing there were search parties out around the Ste. Anne area and nothing was discovered. This was winter and snow would soon bury any signs of footprints, tire tracks or mounds of debris. In April of the next year there was another search but nothing was found. To the best of my knowledge the Spruce Siding area was never searched.

There are coyotes in Manitoba. Coyotes will, within hours or days, eat carrion – or dead bodies. Next come the raccoons, birds and insects. The area I suspect  where we will find her is heavily treed but isolated with no signs of civilization so decomposition could have been fast and not detectable unless someone specifically stopped there at the right time.

Over that dinner my husband  looked across the table at me and said “Why don’t we? Why don’t we go look this year and see what we can find?”

I have to admit I was excited. Life is short so why put this off any longer? What would we find – a bone, a scrap of clothing or jewelry? Did Brian leave her out there for the wild animals to dispose of evidence? Did he strip her naked. Where was her purse? Her clothes? Did he go back and move the body? So many questions……

I am thinking he was in a panic state and it had been a crime of passion - he would not be thinking clearly, or not clearly enough to cover all his tracks. It was mid-winter, the ground was frozen so he couldn’t even dig a shallow grave but just cover her with snow or branches. Did he even have the presence of mind to think that far ahead? Did he use a flashlight? A passing car would see a light in the bare trees at night on a highway siding.

What did we have to lose? Nothing but our time….

 

Chapter two

Once the initial excitement – yes that is the correct word – wore off I got into research mode.

What did we need to go searching – boots, a spade – small and large – tape or string for making a grid pattern (my husband’s brilliant idea), a metal detector (we had an old one in the garage), batteries, an ax, a starter pistol in case of bears and our phones for GPS markings (again my husband’s idea), food, water, gloves  and a nice day.

Of course it snowed within a few days and we had to wait.

Putting my time to good use I got on The Google. I read every news article I could on Christine and Brian Jack, his trials and what the police had done to find her. I once again perused Trials and Errors and I checked the old weather reports – what was that night like? I was thinking more and more that the spot I suspected was THE spot. BUT- How easy would it be to find someone after 33 years?

Google questions:

“How long does it take a dead body to decompose out in the open?”

“How to find a dead body in the woods after 30 years?”

“Stages of decomposition.”

“Ground cover over a dead body.”

“What animals are active in the winter?”

“How to find jewelry with a metal detector.”

“What is the best metal detector for finding jewelry?”

If my husband disappears and the police do a search on my computer I will definitely be the prime suspect!!!

After some trial and error on my part, and experimenting with our circa 1978 RadioShack metal detector we decided that it would only find ferrous metal if it was sitting on top of the ground.  So far in our own yard I have discovered a bolt, a washer and a piece of corroded metal with this detector. It was time to rent one.

Back to Google…..

“Where can I find a metal detector to rent in Winnipeg?”

We found two places, both on the other end of the city, and decided to call them, reserve a detector then pick it up and go to a beach and try it out.  From what I had read it wasn’t just a matter of picking one up and twiddling a few knobs and bob’s your uncle. The experts actually said you should experiment.

Next we looked at the weather report. It was still winter/spring and I didn’t want to be freezing as I walked slowly back and forth over a grid. I also didn’t want it warm enough for the ticks to come out (note to self – tuck in pant legs and cuffs so ticks can’t crawl in.) Now it looked like there could be a deadline for searching…..rent for a week, weather and ticks!

April 7^th. We ended up renting a mid range metal detector and had a bit of fun searching for things around our property. Two crushed cellar lids, a clamp. Two pull tabs, a 1973 penny  and something painted bright red that we haven’t figured out yet. My daughter and I found a large piece of metal from a tractor in the plowed field across the road. It was buried at least ten inches deep. But at least we know the detector will go to a depth of 8 inches or more. It has a jewelry setting so that is what we will put it on. It is about a half hour drive from our house to where I think she is. We never did make it to the beach.

I have to admit that I didn’t sleep that much the night before our departure. Part of me is thinking this is foolish and the other part is wondering what to do if we find something.

Google – ‘What to do if you find human remains?”

If we did find something of interest, we had considered contacting the prosecutor from Brian Jack’s trials, John D. Montgomery, but discovered he had passed away in 2004. When and IF we find bones, jewelry or clothing we will make a decision. Spidey Senses?

Based on facts and some supposition on my part I reviewed in my head.  Brian Jack was seen in Ste. Anne, Manitoba on the night Christine disappeared. Witnesses testified that he had been in a bar looking for a mechanic as his car was in need of repair – this was Christine’s car; the one Brian told police she had driven away in. The two mechanics followed Brian east as he had stated he was heading to Kenora and was taking it for a ‘test drive.’ Suspecting Brian would just keep going they went in pursuit and eventually Brian pulled over and paid them. They turned back toward Ste. Anne.

Brian would have had to continue down the Trans-Canada Highway east until he could make a north/left turn onto the two-lane highway coming back to Winnipeg.  He had no intention of going to Kenora, Ontario and the mechanics said they didn’t think his car would have made it that far. Brian drove until he came across the tree covered connecting road north which would lead him to the highway heading back west.

At this point Christine was in the back of the car. He would have to dispose of her body. Pulling over on the  highway was taking a chance but disposing of her body between the highways in thick bush was the only option. He couldn’t return to the city with her in the car. It was the middle of the night, blowing snow and a partial full moon….where to leave her?

If this was a ‘crime of passion’ Brian was thinking on his feet. Where do you leave a body? Get it out of the city. Make it look as though she had been hijacked and then dumped? Did you want it found or not? What do you leave with it – her purse? So many questions must have been racing through his mind.

 

Chapter Three

The day started out cool but by the time we had driven east for 45 minutes the sun had come out and by the time we turned onto Spruce Siding it was getting quite warm with a bit of a breeze.

“Get any feelings?” my husband asked.

Quite honestly I felt nothing, other than a bit of apprehension. Sort of a mix of this is stupid and ya never know!

“What side of the road do you want to start on?” he asked.

In my head I had always thought left, across the road. While we sat in the car we discussed the possibility that he could have gone to either side of the road that night. There was snow, blowing snow, and the deep ditches would have been filled with a foot or two of the white stuff. He could have pulled to either side depending on the road itself and the traffic that had gone previously or the lack of traffic. We decided to go to the left first.

In my mind I had envisioned spaced out birch or poplar trees and long yellow grass. What I saw ahead was a lot of deadfall, thick new waist high shrubs, four or five foot deciduous trees and numerous  wild rose bush like branches that caught on every inch of clothing. HHHMM a lot harder than I had anticipated. I soldiered or, in some cases, stumbled on.

Stepping into the overgrown terrain with my metal detector catching on every limb and my pant legs being pulled by thorns I tried to do a sweep. A grid pattern was out of the question as there was no open area at all. It was dense and a hard slog and HOT! I had on boots, jeans, a long coat, a hoodie with the hood up so my hair wouldn’t get caught and a cotton scarf…..I didn’t want to strip down too much.

We decided that even thirty years ago the bush would have been much the same and therefore Brian wouldn’t have been able to go far carrying dead weight. My husband went deeper into the bush looking for…anything….and I tried to do a sweep along the road approximately twenty feet in.

We had parked about the middle of the stretch between the two highways thinking that is what Brian would do – as if we had any clue!

I undid my scarf, which got caught on every twig in sight, took off my gloves and shoved them into my pockets, unzipped my coat and stood to look around. My heart leapt when I spotted a blue/green piece of cloth stuck to a stump not ten feet from where I stood. I called my husband.

Christine was apparently wearing a ‘green’ coat. Colours are subjective – was it a dark colour, light, a combination of both – aqua? We studied the cloth which was quite a large piece and had been chewed by animals large and small.

 

Not far from this spot was a blue piece of clothing by the base of a tree on which was tied a red piece of what looked like tenting. The two finds could have been connected to someone who had been camping out as there was a small patch of flat open  ground.  We took pictures of the stump with the cloth.

Not long after we decided to try the other side of the road. Much the same terrain and a lot of deadfall under which Christine could have been left years before when it was somewhat clearer.  Without moving the deadfall you couldn’t get in there with a detector – that up until this point had not beeped once indicating metal of any sort. I had even changed the setting from ‘jewelry’ to ‘all metals’ just in case.

Along the side of the road were several piles of clothing from a young woman that had been spread and torn by a grader at some point. Denim shorts and jeans, a patterned cotton top, a t shirt……as if a backpack or bag had been tossed or had fallen off a vehicle then run over.  I took the metal detector over and ran it by the jeans. The metal zipper beeped like crazy.

We put up the back of the car and sat on the bumper while having a well deserved beer and a bag of chips. I felt satisfied that I gave it my best shot with the objects at hand. Without flat land with no obstructions even a ground scanning machine wouldn’t be able to find anything. What chance did I have with my metal detector? I could have been within inches….or even miles…of finding a pair of jeans, a coat or runners that belonged to Christine.

We came home, stopped at A & W along the way and enjoyed our teen burgers, root beer and onion rings while congratulating ourselves on at least trying. My itch had been scratched and I silently said good bye to Christine hoping someday she will be found.

Seeing as we rented the metal detector for a week, we are going out to search around an old homestead not far from our house….because you never know. 

SPRING IS IN THE AIR...COUGH, COUGH, GAG

Our mid-Canada city is expanding by leaps and bounds. Not only is our 'rural' property now a three minute drive from a bank, grocery store and drug store but this end of the city has literally grown right out to the perimeter ring road that ends the city limits.

Our daughters friend and his girlfriend have built a "dream' house on the southern edge of the city - the newest part several miles away from us...where houses spring up overnight like giant looming mushrooms on the horizon.

He was talking to our daughter and telling her that they are planning on selling this year - why - because they can't even step out on their deck to enjoy a morning coffee because of the smell....

We live on the Prairie - not rolling hills of Prairie - but even, level, you can see your dog run away for five days FLAT. So what is that mini mountain over there to the south?

That, my dear friends, is the southern edge of the building development with a ribbon of four lane tarmac running through it where I turn to go to 'town." On some days, even now in the winter, I can actually TASTE that certain smell......

We like to call it Mount Waverly....others call it the CITY DUMP. Not just a blip on the Prairie landscape, but a massive, miles long, pile of refuse. Been there for years, not going anywhere anytime soon. So why build a very expensive, huge, three story house within sight of the undulating hill of garbage? I can hear the hew and cry now.....close the dump, close the dump. We built our beautiful house and now we can't even go outside...close the dump!

My suggestion to our daughters friend. Sell - NOW - not in the spring or a hot August day. The yard may not look as green and pleasant, but at least the smell won't knock you over.


***

I called to make airlines reservations for our return from Arizona next January. I have to call rather than book online, because we take dog Danny and he needs a space in the hold under the pilot and a direct flight. When speaking with the woman about the dog she asked:

"What kind of a dog is he?"
and I replied " A collie, just like Lassie."
and she said "Oh, I love Labs!!!"


Things I've learned this week:

The Jelly Belly people are closing their Wisconsin plant and moving to Tennessee.

I wonder what this Wisconsin guy is going to do???

I'm talking about the guy on the left...not the one on the right....

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Even if you suspect your old cat is now deaf you still talk to her as if she can hear you.....she just doesn't react!

What?....Say again....what?

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"food is not love, most of what your pet wants from you is affection and attention."

Dennis weighed what five of his breed would...yes he was that big. Because his owner fed him hamburgers and pizza and all things that dogs should not eat.

This is Dennis two years ago:

Unhappy, sad, fat Dennis who could only walk a few steps

This is Dennis today, after two years of dieting and exercise....oh, and a new owner!

Happy little guy, full of energy

Now if only all the people who live in Wisconsin and eat Jelly Belly could take a lesson......yeah - you in the white, wife beater above.....

Gods, Ghosts, Vamps and Werewolves...in the raw

During the week, while dear husband is out of town,, I generally knock off work, have my lonely little dinner and then settle in for a night of telly watching. At least that is what I used to do.

Since the advent of Netflix we have been binge watching a lot of British series and movies we never got around to viewing. So, when dear husband is on the road I don't want to watch the series we are in the middle of because then I would have to watch them all over again on the weekend.... therefore, instead of watching "drivel" on tv I have started watching 'drivel' on Netflix.

I kid you not. I first started out with "girlie" movies - or chickflicks, romcoms, well you get the idea. I soon ran out of those....and realized they are all the same!!! Just insert Jennifer Aniston or some other type like that and hang them out there on a loose plot with a happy ending. Then I got the idea that I would watch some series that dear husband would not be interested in.

Bring on The Almighty Johnsons. Made in New Zealand with four main actors I have never laid eyes on. It's corny, it's quirky and has a somewhat believable plot line...if you believe in Gods - as in mythical Gods who somehow found themselves colonising in New Zealand. See - drivel, but it passes the time and was somewhat amusing. I actually watched the entire series just to see how they wrapped it all up. Happy ending - they became mortal and would grow old and die just like the rest of us.

Next I started watching Being Human - the British version, because apparently their is an American version...who knew?  But I like the accents so that is how I got hooked on that one. Again a somewhat believable plot line...if you believe in vampires, werewolves and ghosts all co-habiting in an apartment. As the series popularity grew the main actors got offered better parts and well...departed in various way - hence Main Vampire killed by Main Werewolf. Main Werewolf wife just got written out of the show and was explained away as "being beaten to death in an alleyway by Vampires." Main Werewolf accidentally does himself in by 'tricking' his body to turning into a werewolf but only half of it does it and when he transforms back goes into heart, kidney and liver failure. SEE - I told you it had a plot!!

The original Main Vampire, with a lovely Irish accent, looked really familiar (and very handsome) so I Googled the actor and sure enough he was the best looking dwarf in the Lord of the Rings series.....except he looks much taller in Being Human.So that is where HE went when he left the show.

Werewolf, Vampire and Ghost - the plot thickens

The Main Werewolf did not look familiar at all but has gone on to another series or two. One being about a group of gay men. Apparently, in real life his is a gay male. He states that he came out to himself at around 15 years old and told his parents at 18 years old. His dad said "had he known earlier he would have done something to fix it." Seriously? Needless to say, they aren't talking anymore.

The female ghost went off to the afterlife, in the show, not in real life....after turning down 'death' about three times during the first three seasons. I guess after Vamp and Were left she figured she should go on to greener acting pastures as well. You can only GROW so much in these series and then they get rather soap opera. Happily they all ended up in the afterlife together - yes, even after decades of ripping people with claws and tearing necks out and drinking blood. Insert three new characters- amazingly a Vampire, a Werewolf and a Ghost who all live together in a B & B (No, I am serious - a B & B that has a 'no vacancy' sign permanently in the window). So, the series is back to square one with even more bizarre plots to follow.

What I had not anticipated with either of these two series is the SEX and Nudity! Really. I have never seen so many guy arses in my life! Apparently Gods and Vampires, Werewolves and Ghosts are very sexual and free and the U.K. and New Zealand are extremely open to showing all that matters on their series.But I still gave up after season four of Being Human when the good guys left the show....the replacements just weren't as cute - naked butts or not.

Things I have learned this week:

THEY are now saying that rats did not cause the plague. Which I have been saying for years. Apparently due to weather conditions there was a major rise in the population of giant gerbils at the time and they are the culprits. My dear ratty friends - you have been vindicated!

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Rod Stewart has eight children. The eldest is 52 and the youngest is 4. I guess it's true - old rockers never die...they just find younger women.


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There is a product out there that is simply...brilliant. Under the 'why didn't I think of that' category:

they come in different colours and can be used as a desk, table, flowerbox or even a cat perch.......

SNAP POP FIZZLE

Well, last week I just didn't have the time to do a blog. So, Friday I should have just sent out

No Blog today - my brain has gone away!!


But this week started off with a bang.

Because it is our busy tax season I work weekends, in fact, we basically work, on call,  seven days running and running until...well the end of April. So when dear husband asked me to have the appointment letters mailed out on Monday...and this was Sunday morning...I got busy and wrote them out.

Of course, after several warnings, which I ignored,  my postal machine was low on postage and when I went to fill it I received a message that it was indeed transacting with the automatic refill and then....

'connection lost'

try again, and again and again.

A call to customer service - no answer because this is a WEEKEND. Okay, try again...and again....for an hour. Flames now shooting out of my ears and the air around me blue I tried contacting them via email. No live chat. Last resort (and I have done this before)....email the PRESIDENT.

Within five minutes he got back to me. No kidding. I have talked to Lou before, so I can call him Lou. He seems like a really attentive, concerned President ...and obviously works seven days a week. My kind of guy.

He passed along my concerns to tech and customer support and in due time I did receive emails from these two, with helpful suggestions. I am sure they were more than thrilled to be called on a Sunday by Lou.

Lo and behold 7:30 a.m. Monday morning I tried again and yes....I've got postage!! Envelopes stamped and happy husband.

Then I received a phone call.....from someone in tech support...who explained to me what he thought had happened. Bottom line  - let's blame it on the computer.

I said, very nicely, that their company offers Postage on Demand, therefore it doesn't matter if it is a weekend, or three in the morning, if I dial up for a postage meter refill I should get it.

A lot of techno babble later - oh and English wasn't his first language plus he had a stutter and his name, kid you not,  Hikey Wong - I finally, firmly, told Hikey that this was an on going problem and they should fix it because Lou and I were getting pretty tired of the whole thing.

In the end - I think he was happy to just hang up.


*****

Next - the house alarm on our daughters house went off. Which is strange because a lot of other things turned off...like the fridge!

As she bought her house from Gramps estate you can't really go and ask questions of the guy who used to live there. This alarm hasn't been on for years, in fact I thought it WOULDN'T go on because one of the windows wasn't quite right and the connection was lost. Well, I was wrong!

Luckily, and for reasons only known to my Psyche, I actually had the alarm code written down.

Then, a quick, late night call to the the man who is doing the renovations to the house, and who we know had been trying valiantly to do work around things with the electrical in the house.....and hopefully an electrician will be over this week to have a good look at the entire electrical system. Ca ching!

We are talking old school Gramps style fixing here - 'my friend at the club used to be an electrician and he said he will come over and look at this' I am sure there is a lot of double taping and even some chewing gum quick fix to be discovered. Oh Joy !!! At the moment the alarm is just beeping...every few seconds.

***

There is a move afoot to have the GST exemption on menstrual products. (Guys...you can skip this part if you want.)

Incontinence products are exempt from this tax, and for reasons only known to the brains in the Government - so are wedding cakes.

One commenter wrote that the government shouldn't pander to this particular "special-interest group."

Special interest group????...we are talking half the population here - WOMEN! And menstrual products are not a luxury. Believe me if you asked women if they would rather not have their monthlies there would be a huge collective YEAH. It's not like we go to the spa for a week a month. Give us a break!

Things I have learned this week:

At times comments on the Internet are pretty entertaining.

For some weird reason there was a picture in the entertainment section of John Travolta giving Scarlet Johansson a kiss on the cheek while at the Oscars. I have to admit that John is looking better now that he has let his hair grow back - or got implants or is wearing a wig. ANYWAY, one of the comments under the picture made me laugh out loud, it read:

"Isn't John Travolta dead?'


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sometimes graffiti is funny

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Lately I have heard some bad things about that fav chocolate product Nutella. Like, even though the ads state how 'good' it is for you, it is still basically a jar of sugar. But now the firefighters in London, Ontario say the sun rays refracted by a Nutella jar on a window sill caused a house fire.

They couldn't just state a 'jar' but NO - they had to say a specific Nutella jar - really? What if it had been a Bick's pickles without garlic.........

YOU CAN RUN....BUT CAN YOU HIDE???

I read an article about how Brazil is trying to shed the image as a fugitives' haven. It basically reaffirmed to me that there are a lot of narcissistic criminals out there who feel entitled to do as they please and not face the consequences of their actions. 

As convicted murderer and paedophile Phillip Smith relaxed in a hostel on a cobbled street in Rio de Janeiro, having successfully absconded from the authorities in his native New Zealand, he sent an email to a radio station - basically bragging about how he got away!! 

The 40-year-old was on a 72-hour release from prison ( WHY??? Boy Scout meeting??) when, using a passport in his original name, Phillip Traynor, he took a flight to Chile and then onto Brazil. His escape, he said, had only been "moderately difficult". What??? And I am the one taking off my shoes and belt while following a senior citizen in a walker who is being patted down by airport security! 

Phillip was, he imagined, the latest in a long line of successful fugitives to make their home in Brazil - including Great Train robber Ronnie Biggs, who lived for decades in Rio, and Josef Mengele, the notorious Nazi concentration camp doctor. But hours after checking into the Rio hostel, he was arrested by members of Brazil's Federal Police. Yeah, Police - 1, Phillip - 0.

Well, that's what happens when you get cocky, just like, Michael Misick who enjoyed a lifestyle every bit as glamorous as his fiefdom's numerous celebrity guests as premier of the Turks and Caicos Islands. From premier to prisoner. 

Despite declaring assets of only $50,000 when elected in 2003, six years later he lived in a 16 million dollar mansion and had allocated his then-wife Lisa Raye McCoy a clothing budget of up to $200,000 a month! It's a tropical climate....bathing suit - check, t shirt - check, shorts - check.

After an inquiry in 2009, Mr Misick left the Caribbean amid claims that he had illegally profited from multi-million-dollar sell-offs of Crown land. Well, he didn't get all that money selling tours to tourists. He resurfaced in Rio and being in the "you can't touch me" club, he continued his lavish lifestyle in an apartment near Ipanema beach.

He is said to have chosen Brazil because of an ambiguity in its 1997 extradition treaty with the UK which meant as a subject of a British colony he could not be extradited. HA! You silly bugger....not so. Mr Misick was arrested in December 2012 and ended up in Ary Franco, a prison run by the state government of Rio de Janeiro. Sadly, A UN subcommittee had earlier that year described the jail as "dark, dirty, steamy and cockroach-infested" and demanded its immediate closure. Bad lucky, chappie!

It was from his prison cell that Mr Misick then mounted a letter-writing campaign condemning the British government and complaining that he was "perishing" in jail. I have no idea what happened to his ex-wife and all of her clothing.

Another who faced a strikingly similar situation was Irish lawyer Michael Lynn.

Wanted over an alleged mortgage fraud, he fled Ireland in 2007 with debts of $90m. He set up a new life for himself and his family in a villa near the beach city of Recife, while starting up a new company to have another shot at becoming a property tycoon.

He openly registered himself with the authorities, apparently sure that the fact his wife Brid had had a Brazilian-born child meant - like train robber Ronnie Biggs - he could not be extradited.

But he, too, was misinformed - that law had been repealed in the 1990s. Can't these guys do The Google???

So, if YOU want to become a criminal and need a safe haven to hide out in  (not necessarily a cold Communist country) ...here are six places in the world where you can do this...successfully:

Croatia, Kazakhstan, Dubai, Bhutan and Western Sahara (under Morocco's guidance). And Cuba - for now. Just - Keep your head down and blend in. Good luck!!!

Things I have learned this week:

Every year it just gets better.

Grammy Awards 2015 - What the hell???

On the left is our Madge...looking like a really, really bad pirate. Then Kim K in a sparkly bathrobe. Rhianna in.....pink???? I've seen a Barbie birthday ake topper similar to this dress...... and someone else who just has bad taste. How are these people allowed to go out their front door without someone stopping them and explaining that MAYBE they have made a bad choice. Gee - seemed like a good idea at the time.


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There is a Lego version of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer. It has the whispery voice of the female lead...and the lead male who states things like "I don't do romance."....just as insipid as the real trailer I am afraid - but the acting is better.

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And again with the Fifty Shades - "Love" shops are expecting to have a rise in sales once the movie hit the theatres......unfortunately the emergency wards are also gearing up!

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Woman finds image of Jesus in dog's ear.....I am not kidding

Must have been a slow news day.

MAKE....ART!!!

My friend told me NOT to watch the new Noah film staring Russell Crowe. She said it was very strange and had transformers in it. Well, anyone who knows and loves BumbleBee (the yellow transformer) will know that the objects in Noah don't resemble a transformer at all. However, they are very strange and I don't think they were ever mentioned in the the Bible. Not that I have ever READ the entire bible.

The movie has been described as.... An "ambitious adaptation." Uh oh....we know what that means.....ART!

Russell states: " I think, people are seeing the movie and they're realising how respectful it is and how potent it is."

"You come out of this movie and you want to talk … about our stewardship of the earth, our relationship to animals, what is spirituality, who am I in this world – all these fantastic subjects for conversation," he said. "Art that can do that for people is a wonderful thing."

Yes it is...but it isn't THIS movie. I think when I came out of the movie I would be discussing how I lost two hours of my life over this shite and that is cost me a lot of money to see. Luckily we watched it on Netflix. 

The studio reportedly had been so desperate to win over Christian audiences in the U.S. of A. that it tested one version of Noah which opened with a montage of religious images and ended with a Christian rock song. Well....That didn't work!

I suppose they wanted it to cash in like Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ. But,  Paramount now appears to have given up on its efforts to market Noah to Christians, with the studio issuing a statement in February making clear that the movie is not intended as a direct translation of the bible story. Really? You don't give the human race enough credit to figure that out???

One reviewer said "It does take some artistic license, " Ya think?  I do believe he is referring to the .....very large lava like creatures with shining eyes who speak English with the heavily-filtered voices of Nick Nolte and Frank Langella. They are angels who have been trapped this way, but in the end they burst apart and fly upward in a misty, golden glow......home, I am going home.....and YES - we actually stuck it out to the bitter end, unlike my girl friend who fell asleep.

Noah and his aged grandfather Methuselah (played by Anthony Hopkins living in a cave - is Sir Anthony out of money???) turn the latter into sort of a Biblical equivalent of  E.T or Yoda with all the wisdom that comes with those characters. "Boat float...... it will" 

I also came across this review written by someone who, I have to think, was in an altered state when they viewed it:

" Russel Crowe must compete for viewer attention with mind numbing special effects which are seldomly seen on screen and in cinema with that authentic wow reaction that we all had the first time we saw Jurassic Park, but the wows keep coming as the film is given an authentic feeling of under the fingernail deeply embedded very coarse shades of gray, grit and grime throughout this action packed often with violent frenetic and occasionally romantic moments." Wow - I can hardly breath....did we actually see the SAME movie???

 The film Noah is more of a surrealist nightmare disaster picture forever fused to a parable of human greed and a bit of the crazies tossed in for good measure. All based on the bestselling book of all time, the Bible, mainly the Book of Genesis. So it's not even original....well, except for the large lava things. 

When discussing this with my girlfriend, who is an absolute font of knowledge, she said "Don't you remember when Paul Newman took out an ad telling people not to watch his movie The Silver Chalice?" No,,,I was like, man, 16 and doing my Hippie thing....not reading the newspaper!!

Paul Newman was apparently not proud of his performance in The Silver Chalice. When the film was broadcast on television in 1966, he took out an advertisement in a Hollywood trade paper apologizing for his performance, and requesting people not to watch the film. Of course this backfired, and the broadcast received unusually high ratings. Newman called the film "the worst motion picture produced during the 1950s", and once screened it for guests at his home, handing out pots, wooden spoons, and whistles and encouraging the audience to offer noisy critiques.

The film featured unusual semi-abstract settings and decor

Writing in the first edition of his Film Guide in 1977, Leslie Halliwell described the film as "Po-faced biblical hokum ... with howlingly bad casting and direction ... a sea of boredom", assigning it 0 stars out of 4. I can't even imagine what he would have said about the film Noah....

Things I've learned this week:

Fifty Shades of Grey is coming out soon and everyone is talking about the lack of chemistry between the two stars. One person even went so far as to tweet:

"I don't think any actors can compete with the compelling dialogue of the book."

I READ THE WRONG BOOK? Compelling dialogue???

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Colleen McCullough, author of The Thorn Birds,  was described as "plain of feature, and certainly overweight, nevertheless a woman of wit and warmth." in a recent newspaper obituary. 

I ...can't ....even ....speak! 

"Elvis Presley, fat and sparkly, but a real good singer..."

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The DUDE - Actor Jeff Bridges has recorded an album which he hopes will help insomniacs.

The Sleeping Tapes sees him talking over "relaxing sounds and other stuff to help you get some rest". Surprisingly, its quirkiness means it's not quite as relaxing as the Big Lebowski star may have imagined, BUT it seems to work for Jeff:

"While working on the Sleeping Tapes album we put in some long hours.  Listening back to our day's works, I'd often drift off. I'd wake up and smile saying, ‘Hey, this stuff works.'  Oh Jeff....sigh. There is a Seniors home with your name on it.

ATTENTION - Leggings are NOT pants.

I am always amazed by what GOD tells people to do. I am always amazed that God speaks to people anyway...but that is beside the point.

Apparently, an Oregon Christian blogger gave up leggings to honor God and her husband posted it on his blog and it sparked an 'international' debate.

The attention has made his wife, Mrs. Partridge uncomfortable. The Bend 'resident, burgeoning farmer and mother to one toddler' said she is a "reserved" person that doesn't like controversy. She didn't write about her decision to stop wearing leggings in public to spark a debate, she said, but because she felt like God was calling her to share her story with friends.

Personally, with all that strife in the world, I don't think that GOD would be concerned with Mrs. Partridge showing off her bottom....which is the point she is trying to make. She thinks seeing all the jiggly bottoms around the mall is sinful and she does not want to be part of it any more. She isn't completely giving up leggings and will continue to wear them around the house and if she HAS to wear them out, will have on a long top.


In her picture she looked completely normal....really..so looks can be deceiving. 


I would really like to read about someone, who has spoken to God, and been told that they should do good in the world. And I mean REAL good, like volunteering their time at a seniors residence or tutoring children who are having problems at school or helping animal shelters. But NO - generally - they are told, by Jesus, to kill someone. What the hell??? Or to collect more money for their church....or to spread The Word.  


Actually, I would, just once, like to hear a Lottery winner say they are going to do "good."  Not buy a new car, a new house and go on a vacation. How about spreading some of that new found wealth around...see above suggestions. 

So, that of course brings me to my usual rant about religion., and people who just can't keep their beliefs to themselves.


Just some things that annoy be about 'Christians' who are over the top......

First of all, and I have said this before, they have to tell me that they are Christian. I don't care and it will not sway my opinion of you in any way. In my opinion it does not necessarily make you a better person. But if you keep telling me how good you are....I will get annoyed.

Yelling out random words (“Praise Jesus,” “Hallelujah!”) while other people are trying to listen to the sermon. You agree with the pastor. We understand this. But just say it in your head or nod silently.

Tell me I’m on the “right path” by being there. In their church. I was doing just fine a couple hours ago, thank you very much.

Pass out Christian business directories. It’s like saying the Christian lawyer is trustworthy, but the Jew lawyer will take your money and the atheist lawyer will try to lose your case on purpose. This is not making a strong case for 'christian love.'

Ask me if they can pray for me.  If you want to, just go ahead and do it, but quietly, in your head and not in a public place.

(This actually happened to me one day when I was shopping with my young daughter. She had a bad cold and I commented on this to the young man who we knew, barely, through our mail lady.

He asked "Can I pray for her?" and I nodded okay (fill yer boots boy - it's only a cold) thinking he would do it next time in church. BUT THEN -  He actually got down on his knees - in WalMart!! - and reached out to my daughter, who tried to hide behind me and started to cry - loudly.)

Ask me if they can pray for me, then put their hands on my shoulders and begin praying. see above...Stop touching me or anyone in my family.

Mischaracterize people of other faiths or no faiths. “Those atheists know God is there; they just don’t want to follow His rules!”
“Those Muslims really want to become Christians"

Quickly to the MissionaryMobile!”

Keep your religious practises to yourself or speak quietly amongst yourselves. I don't tell you what I think...so don't try and foist what you think onto me. I'm not kidding....this is a warning....I am backing away....slowly....now.




Things I learned this week:

Paul McCartney is beginning to look even more like Angela Lansbury......

getting better....all...the....time....

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Who ya gonna call??? A new lineup for a new Ghostbusters - all female cast. Some things should just be left alone. 

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At times....Try to use small words. 

I had an exploding shower panel that was replaced with the wrong clear panel and now has to be replaced with the correct frosted panel. So I am speaking on the phone, to the guy at our DIY Rona store.

"Your man came out and replaced the panel and I know you are going to fix it, but now the integrity of the shower has been compromised and there is water on the floor." 

"Huh?"

"It LEAKS!"