WHAT TO CALL THIS DAY....OH, FRIDAY....

Apparently this last week was "National Payroll Week" - I kid you not. The reason being:

"Canada's payroll professionals are responsible for ensuring that $860 billion in annual wages and taxable benefits get paid to employees, accurately and on time."

YES - I do believe that is called - their job!  Along with the ad - yes! there was an actual ad in the paper - there was a picture outline of Canada with a bunch of faces with their jaws dropped.....because...What if they didn't receive their pay cheque?

Oh My! I had no idea that there is actually a Canadian Payroll Association, who obviously paid for the ad in the paper. Scrooge will be spinning in his fictional coffin!

When dear husband read this ad in the paper he said "What is next - National Boink Your Neighbour's Wife Week?"

To which I replied "Only if they are PROFESSIONAL Boinkers." 

AND THEN - he pointed out a newsclip which stated that August 30th is.....National Roasted Marshmallow Day. (How DOES he find these things? Beats me, but gives me great fodder for my Blog). 

Apparently, the U.S. Forest Service was instructing Americans how to successfully toast a marshmallow without injuring themselves. What is the fun of roasting a marshmallow with your family without at least one of you either having your marshmallow catch on fire and whipping it about frantically while everyone else is diving for cover? OR having the burning goo stick to your hand while you......stick it in your mouth to get it off....now burning your mouth. Isn't that what it is all about???

Well, no, the U.S. Forestry Service wants you to NOT dip your marshmallow in chocolate (How about Baileys??) and attach a piece of fruit instead and when making S'mores, don't use a Graham cracker but a slice of angel food cake....This is in the name of NUTRITION and safety I suppose. Good Grief is nothing sacred?

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Soon after this, dear husband had a bit of a melt down at the local Tim Hortons.

On the back page of the Metro newspaper was an ad for ZEV custom apparel. One of the captions states:

Tailored Like You.

Well, seeing as they make custom suits I would hope they would be tailored somewhat like your body.  But that wasn't what got dear husband.

"Look at this guys suit!" he exclaimed "it doesn't even fit him."

I looked at the picture and sure enough he had a smiley crotch, the suit jacket seemed too short, the sleeves looked short and the two buttons on the jacket actually made it pull across his chest.  

"And what is with that tie? It's not the right knot for that shirt!!"

My first thought was - "When did dear husband become the fashion police?" and my second thought was "What was the photographer thinking?" They could have fixed it with a bit of Photoshopping or perhaps this is the NEW LOOK. If the NEW LOOK is one where you look like you borrowed your smaller and younger brothers suit and slapped a haphazardly tied tie onto the shirt. 

He also looks like he needs a good poop.

*****

And speaking of fashion. Just when you thought you had seen everything....

What the hell is this??

Things I have learned this week:

We have a favorite restaurant and have gotten to know the owners and their children over the years. The daughter went to the same school as ours, only a few years ahead of her, and we always ask what she is doing etc. etc.

The other night we dropped in and she was there, so on the way out I asked her what she was up to these days.

"I just came back from New York. I was studying at Columbia and I have an installation at a museum coming up."

Wow - I knew she had been studying 'Art' for years so when I got home I immediately got on The Google to see what her "installation" could possibly be.

Well.......I am not a prude by any stretch, but I could certainly see how this may offend the masses.

After twelve years of private schooling, about 14 years of University courses, her only job being working in her parents restaurant, and applying for and receiving a Canada Council Grant she has come up with....

A script written, hot pink neon phrase which hangs on a wall in a bare room. The singe phrase reads:

I'mf*****gyou   with the middle word blinking on and off

In my opinion - she certainly is.

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People in Calgary are being warned to steer clear of the South Health Campus after a cougar wandered to areas just outside the hospital.

Crews are also trying to corral a second cougar that was spotted in the nearby community of Seton. It’s in a stairwell of a building on Martet Street, police said.