I often say "You are never as good as the day you die."
I have heard of people passing away - people who were.....bastards in real life. Never gave a thought to anyone but themselves, mean spirited, evil people BUT they pass away and the tears begin to fall and the moaning and gnashing of teeth begins. And I think to myself "Are we talking about the same person here?"
Others of course are saints who don't get their due either, thanks to ungrateful children, siblings, family who are all consumed with their own lives and never ever gave a bit of thought to all the stuff the deceased person has done for them over the years. These people deserve the tears of remorse...but I suppose it is on a deceased to deceased basis......
ANYWAY -
When my niece, the teacher, was here last week she was telling me about what was happening with her new school semester coming in September. She had read a book about Ukrainian/Polish immigrates who had settle in Cooks' Creek not far from where we live. Following that conversation we got talking about our own relatives - namely my father, her grandfather - who had actually immigrated to Canada in the mid 1920's from the Ukraine. We discussed what I know about the family and I am afraid the information is sadly lacking but "I MAY have a few things around to help us out." I told her. "I do have my grandfathers passport - somewhere in the garage...!!!"
A few days later I decided to dig through some of my own mother's papers I have in boxes tucked into the bookcase....and lo and behold I came across the obituary for my Polish grandfather. Much excitement...and a start to finding out more.
At dinner I showed my dear husband and mentioned that it seemed to include everyone in the family - except us!! My brothers were mentioned and my aunt but no mention of his granddaughter...me ....and upon further reading his other TWO granddaughters.
Upon further pondering my husband asked,
"Can I see that again?"
He glanced at it and exclaimed, "Your mom's not on here either."
WHAT!!! - my dad, my brothers but not my Mom????? The ONE person who was so kind and thoughtful toward my Grandfather!!
I have no idea who wrote this obituary out, but it certainly wasn't anyone who knew much about my grandfather's family. Very, very strange. So - note to you all - maybe you had better write your own Obituary or at least leave a few notes so people reading it will get the whole story.
Then, of course, I started to snoop around The Google for "Strange Obituaries."
The first one I came across read:
"STRANGE - Randy Thomas died peacefully....."
OOOPPS, his last name was Strange. Let's try "STRANGEST OBITUARIES."
and I hit the jackpot. Here are but a few....
I have NO idea!!
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WOW - she certainly pissed someone off! I guess my theory on never being as good as the day you die doesn't apply to this family.
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Louis Casimir, a retired University English professor, wrote it himself before he passed on.
"Louis J. Casimir Jr. bought the farm Thursday, Feb. 5, 2004, having lived more than twice as long as he had expected and probably three or four times as long as he deserved. Although he was born into an impecunious family, in a backward and benighted part of the country at the beginning of the Great Depression, he never in his life suffered any real hardships. Many of his childhood friends who weren't killed or maimed in various wars became petty criminals, prostitutes, and/or Republicans. Lou was a daredevil: his last words were “Watch this!”
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I could go on an on...but instead I will finish with this wonderful piece of whimsy which appeared in Mad magazine.
Waldo, 36, is missing and presumed dead. "We Gave up looking for him years ago." Said a spokesman for a local search team. "In the past we'd scour the earth, buy every time we'd find him he'd take off again. Finally, we put his picture on a mild carton and said the hell with it." Other reactions were mixed." It was a case of sibling rivalry," said Carmen Sandiego a half-sister. "Waldo tried to outdo me by hiding in shopping malls and outdoor rock concerts. These had no educational value, so it's no wonder people stopped caring." "The little deadbeat owed us for 20,000 tasseled caps, said a spokesman for the Acme Headgear Co. "Now we're filing for bankruptcy, thanks to him." A memorial service for Waldo will be held at 11 a.m. tomorrow at an unspecified location. Those wishing to attend will have to find it for themselves.
AND speaking of things dead......Is it hair or a helmet?
"John Travolta misfires with very bizarre locks at Hollywood bash" reads the headline (no pun intended) for this snap of the man himself.
You would think that with all of the money this guy has he would at least spend it on a good looking RUG! Or, at the least, someone would say to him, in all confidence,
"Ya know John, maybe that isn't such a good look for you."
Seriously - how can he look at himself in the mirror and go - Yup - I am so hot!! He really should check himself into Egos Anonymous.
Things I've learned this week:
When you think you have killed all the wasps in the nest it is best to check back in a day or two....and do it all again. Dear husband got swarmed but came away with only a few stings.
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Some tradespeople have NO personality and a LOT of attitude. Hey, I'm paying the bills here, not you!
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Family gatherings are stressful, memorials for family members are stressful, grocery shopping for said family is stressful, arrangements for trips to the lake for said family is stressful, home renovations on TWO houses is extremely stressful, having all your appliance revolt at the same time is stressful including the hot tub which (due to the heat) decided to turn green....and if you go to the pharmacy and ask the nice little East Indian lady behind the counter what she has for stress she will JUST LOOK AT YOU. NOT helping little East Indian lady!!!
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I can still find time to laugh. I actually laughed out loud when I read the article about Michael C. Luckman who is the director of the New York Centre for Extraterrestrial Research. He wants to hold a "rock" concert to coax the "aliens living in a huge underwater base located six miles off of Malibu's Point" to come out and show themselves. He wants Paul, Ringo, Yoko and their families to attend along with many other notables.
Following that Mr. Luckman is planning an underwater mission to search for seafaring aliens and he wants the following people to join him. As I read the list I just laughed more. Imagine if you will this 'crew.'
Shirley Maclaine
Russell Crowe - because he apparently took a picture of a UFO once
Dan Aykroyd (well, he was in Ghostbusters!)
Steven Spielberg - because he made E.T. so must know something...
and finally - because he has gone where no man has gone before -
William Shatner
Good luck Mr.Luckman!!!
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