Husband clambers into bed with his book - as in paperback - book.
"You need more light." he says to me.
I look over at him and hold up my lit up Blackberry.
"Oh, right." he says and turns his bedside lamp up brighter.
I like my Blackberry. It is handy and fits nicely into my purse when traveling. I don't have to worry about a 600 page tome taking up all the space...like dear husbands 'murse.' He stuffs his book, several pair of glasses with cases, telephone - plus cables, gum, kleenex, toothbrush and paste etc. into his bag. All the things that he needs to travel - he sometimes even throws in a T shirt and boxer shorts "just in case." I haven't asked...."just in case what?" and maybe I don't want to know.
So, Miss Smarty Pants is on the plane....reading her Blackberry and the announcement comes on that we are going to land - sometime in the next half hour - and all electronic devises should be turned off. That means YOU in 22C reading the Blackberry. So I am forced to turn off my book and sit.....and watch .....while my husband continues .........to READ his BOOK - as in paperback - BOOK!!!
I have already read the Sunseekers travel magazine, which is tucked into the pocket in front of me, on the trip down and I even looked at the pamphlet on how the plane is constructed and all the safety features that go with it that I should know about. And then I spy....the air sick bag. ....with this printed on it.
"Gently peel label off bag. Fold down two times away from label and adhere to bag."
And I think to myself. Really? you are about to puke your guts out and first you have to read instructions??!!! And THEN I thought...are you supposed to do this FIRST, as in peel the label off and fold the sides down twice and then hurl?
No, that can't be right. Read instructions again. "Gently peel label off bag....fold down two times away from label." I thought you just peeled the label off! What if you tossed it on the floor and it slide under the seat in FRONT of you...would you then fold the bag two times toward the BACK of the plane? All the while trying to keep your lunch in check.
No, that can't be right. Read instructions again. Oh, the penny finally drops. This is what you are SUPPOSED TO DO after you have "used" the bag, not before. Good to know....but what if you need more than one bag and you are busy reading how to fold it down and adhere it while up comes another wave of....last nights dinner? You wave frantically or press your Air Hostess bell...."another bag here please." Because wouldn't you know it...the people who sat here before you let their children use the air sick bags to draw on and they took their precious artwork with them. The row opposite have people who are now ignoring you with all of their might.
Air Hostess takes her time walking down the aisle...like a slow motion movie...and when she gets to you...you gasp and swallow and hand her the used bag. She sniffs and you manage to squeak through white lips "I think I need another bag...or maybe two."
She examines your folding technique....huurrumph "You didn't fold this correctly. It says specifically TWO times, you did it once."
"I promise I'll do better on the next one."
She looks at the two seats opposite you.....with the people reading their books for all they are worth. Huuurrrmph! Someone is going to get supreme shit for not stocking up the air sick bags.
Down the aisle she trundles and you try and swallow, breath deeply, sing to yourself...even your inside voice is trembling.....TH..TH...The sun will come out to....to...tomorrow.....anything but toss your cookies. She trundles back with TWO bags in her hands and hands them to you...thankfully she doesn't tell you that will be $4.00 each and they only take Debit or Credit cards.
You smile and just as you reach for the bags....you immediately throw up on her shoes.
*****
A few months ago we received a new VISA card as the old one had expired. A nasty thing that happens every few years and is a pain because we have several auto-charged monthly bills on that credit card for Canada and the U.S.
We have had this card for almost thirty years and have collected Aeroplan points for travel - which we have used numerous times.
Just this last while the bank we use, only for this credit card, CIBC, decided not to renew Aeroplan - which is Air Canada - airmiles and so the Toronto Dominion Bank picked them up. I was sure, somewhere along the line, I was told there would be NO changes and things would proceed as normal. HA!
Last week I received a pile of NEW cards from TD Bank...all with NEW numbers. So, even though I just notified all of the auto-charge people recently, I now have to notify them again with an entire new number and expiration date for this latest credit card.
So, I did. And then I got a call back from one of the businesses that the new card was rejected! This is because...I can use my old CIBC credit card until midnight of June 15th......at which point it will be rendered useless by the powers that be..........BUT I CAN"T use the new TD credit card until 12:01 of July 16th. And obviously not a moment before.
I supposed I will have to call everyone AGAIN next week to make sure they have the correct numbers and nothing will bounce or be charged twice. SIGH. This could take a while.
Things I have learned this week:
Renovations always take longer and cost more than you think.
***
Some people have too much time on their hands....but this is kind of interesting. A man filmed the secret life of dishwashers with a Go Pro camera. I have to assume he did it to test the waterproof claim of the camera....but who knew THIS is what it looks like inside that machine??? Slosh, slosh....
****
Some idiot swimming in Australia's coastal waters provoked a stingray and got chased....ya think? Didn't this guy ever hear of the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin who accidentally stepped on one and was struck with it's barb and died?? Once again proving - you can't fix stupid.
ARE WE HAVING FUN YET????
***
There is actually an Alps Finger Wrestling championship in Germany. Could this be where the expression.... 'pull my finger' originated?
***
A mother in Alaska wants to legally change her small daughters' middle name to "Awesome." Why? Well, her 15 year old son, who originally wanted to call the daughter "Danger" has decided it would be 'cool.' Proving, once again, that some people should NOT have children...all at...never...no way...
****
You can get wigs for cats -
"LUKE - I am your sister"
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