NOW WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT??

The favorite toe-shoe of vegan restaurant servers and 65-year-old men with ponytails from Sedona has settled a class action lawsuit brought against it by what sounds like every person who ever wore its foot.......um....condoms.

I have actually seen people wearing these and I remember, somewhere in our travels, having a young man SWEAR by these incredibly ugly shoes, and telling us that we just HAVE to buy some. Well, no, we don't...but thanks anyway.

Runner's World Matt McCue reports that though the makers, Vibram "expressly denies and continues to deny any wrongdoing alleged in the Actions, and neither admits nor concedes any actual or potential fault, wrongdoing or liability," the company has agreed to pay a lot of money in a class action suit.


Class Action suit???? Vibram , has agreed to settle a lawsuit because the initial claim for the FiveFingers running shoes, filed in 2012, accuses them of deceiving consumers by saying that its shoes could "reduce foot injuries and strengthen foot muscles." Unfortunately, Vibram appears to have pulled this out of thin air, or picked it up off the tarmac, really hoping it was true. Um.....It's not.

I believe the theory was that this is the closest thing you can get to running in bare feet. I am thinking unless you just can't afford shoes or belong to a tribe in Africa who runs for miles each day, for years, for life....you shouldn't be running in bare feet. Shoes were invented to protect your feet...from rocks, a sticks and perhaps dung (back in the day). There is a reason we have shoes...so why decide to run around downtown New York City in shoes that make you look like you want to play piano with your feet?? A trend perhaps?

In penance for its crimes against fashion and all of humanity, Vibram has placed $3.75 million into escrow. Those funds will go to the fitness idiots who purchased a pair after March 21, 2009, with up to $94 for each - in an effort to help your friends and family not shudder when looking at your feet.

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Another great idea.......

The 3 in 1 Breakfast Maker
Elite Cuisine 3-in-1 Breakfast Station 4-Cup Coffee Maker
3 in 1 toaster oven, coffee maker and griddle
4-Cup coffee maker
1-Slice toaster oven
6-Inch griddle
500-Watt of power

I kind of like it...but not the colour!

***

And then we have:

A patented harness that prevents puppies or small adult dogs from escaping fenced-in areas. The device slips on a dog like a common harness, but its integrated rigid 10 1/2″-long cross-bar spans well beyond the width of the pet, preventing it from slipping out between fence railings

Did anyone think that he could crawl UNDER the fence??? I think it needs an aerial!

Things I've learned this week:

You can have an optometrist appointment, arrive on time, wait two hours and then have the doctor look at your peepers for oh...ten seconds each and suggest you come back for another test....at another time.  Give .....me.....strength!

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Why this man is smiling

Because his 'art' has set records for the most money paid for a living artists work. Let's say around 58 MILLION! Jeff is known for recreating banal, everyday objects...like lobsters...which actually hang in art galleries and are wondered at.

Well, I wonder how Jeff got those gigs, cuz sign me up. He says there are no hidden meanings in his works...other than that of making money. And can I blame the guy? No, if someone (idiot) wants to buy his art (holy crap) and hang it in their home it's really none of my business and really...what is that old saying "A fool and his money are soon parted." Not much different than a large Cambells' soup can...which, come to think of it... probably sells for a whole lot of money these days....so who is the fool? Hhhhmmm....? Perhaps I shouldn't be so hasty. 

One of these things doesn't look like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong........

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This week my faith in the younger generation was renewed. I attended a baby shower in Arizona and a wedding shower here at home this last month. I received a THANK YOU CARD from each of the young ladies - yes, hand written, personalized and in an envelope with a stamp on it!! I was beginning to think this kind of thing had gone the way of the Dodo. 

WALLPAPER MAY LOOK PRETTY, BUT IT IS ....EVIL

You know it starts with one little rip and the rest is history. Wallpaper folks....I'm talking about Wallpaper...W...A...double ll  PAPER! Wallpaper. That dreaded "W" Word.

So, as you can tell....I am stripping wallpaper from my....some time in the near future...renovated bathroom. Fingers crossed.

I started to strip the paper....oh...a few months back and I knew then it was going to be a pain...in...the...ass. Took me half a day to do an area two feet wide by about three feet tall. So, I Googled and researched and asked people how the heck do you get this stuff off?

Now, backing up a few years, this was put on by a "professional" as in, I PAID someone to put it up. You would have thought that it would be a cinch to remove - BUT NO!!!

I tried scoring the paper as it is kind of a vinyl kind of finish....then used a spray bottle of wallpaper remover....no, nothing. Next more scoring and hot water with fabric softener....no, nothing. OKAY - rented a steamer from HomeDepot.

I was almost in TEARS - really....so frustrated. Ever tried to take off wallpaper one inch at a time while holding a steamer in the other hand????  Steam and water dripping, drywall buckling, paper on your fingers.....aaarrrrggghhhh!!!

Dear husband to the rescue - he came in, stripped off to his boxer shorts with little elves on them (don't ask) and got all steamy and sweaty (but not in a sexy way) and got off ALL of the paper! By this time we were knee deep in bits and pieces of gluey strips and there are still some left clinging to the wall in places but the majority it gone.  Even, I think, one entire wall where the first layer of drywall is missing now - dear husband says that is supposed to look like that,,,,,but I have my doubts.

So, next question - who gets to paint this puppy?? I think I will do some of the walls that are in better shape than the aforementioned missing top layer one....but I believe I will have to have a professional come in and do some patching and painting....oh....no...not another 'professional'!!!!

As my husband says "Dry strippable my ass!"

*****

While doing the stripping.....I decided to put a pizza in the oven, because, let's face it, I wasn't in any shape to actually prepare a proper meal.

Now, I haven't replaced my somewhat possessed convection oven yet. It still makes odd noises and turns all by itself! So, I tossed the pizza in the oven and went back to help with the friggin' wallpaper. A few minutes later I walk into the kitchen and smell.....is that GARLIC or ELECTRICAL burning smell??? Really, it was hard to tell. I open the oven door and it SEEMS to be cooking the pizza just fine and I stand and watch it for a moment...turn, turn, turn. No smoke, crackling sound of wires melting somewhere...so okay...perhaps it IS GARLIC! Wow!  that's a lot of garlic!

We ate the pizza, which was really quite good, and I think...I am REALLY going to have to go on the hunt for a new oven soon.......


***

I read a newspaper headline: Kanye West slams Barack Obama

And my question was....how can you tell? I mean, this guy can barely put a coherent sentence together at the best of times. So, in this article he is quoted as saying "You can't effect change from inside the White House...You gotta have the money."  Huh?? This is the slam?

Next he says "Good ideas usually aren't connected to money as much...Creativity and extreme genius are extremely cheap."  Double Huh??

Kanye apparently says that Obama likes to criticize 'pop icons' just so he can be DOWN with young people. Okay - I really don't get that at all.

And on an on it went....never getting any clearer as to WHY this article was written in the first place and it ends with this wonderful quote from Kanye.

"We're moving to the future.And I'm gonna be the anchor."

Honestly, I would be happy if he was wearing cement shoes when he does this.


Things I've learned this week:

You don't have to be a great, strapping, young man to work for Brinks...as in the people who move copious amounts of money around from place to place. I was walking out of a store and there was a white haired man, about many 5 foot five inches, struggling with a box of coin. Really! I could have taken him down if I was the corrupt, hold up kind of person who would do such a thing. Either that, or I could have just walked up behind him and said BOO - he probably would have keeled over from a heart attack!

***

As soon as you buy paint to do an exterior door it will rain for the next week. Honest - the entire friggin' week!!

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Jo Shears, 31, spends her spare time stuffing rabbits, mice and birds - and turning them into hats and handbags. She has made headpieces for brides from birds and buttonholes from furs. One bride has asked her to make a handbag for the day of her wedding from a cat. NO NO NO!!

****

If you Google "stripping wallpaper" you can actually get to look at something like this:

What ......can....I...possibly....say????

AT TIMES NEW IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER....

I have one of those Blackberry Playbooks. It lets me read my emails; personal and work, lets take pictures and most importantly download KOBO books. It also lights up so I don't need too much light to read by.

Husband clambers into bed with his book - as in paperback - book.

"You need more light." he says to me.

I look over at him and hold up my lit up Blackberry.

"Oh, right." he says and turns his bedside lamp up brighter.

I like my Blackberry. It is handy and fits nicely into my purse when traveling. I don't have to worry about a 600 page tome taking up all the space...like dear husbands 'murse.' He stuffs his book, several pair of glasses with cases, telephone - plus cables, gum, kleenex, toothbrush and paste etc. into his bag. All the things that he needs to travel - he sometimes even throws in a T shirt and boxer shorts "just in case." I haven't asked...."just in case what?" and maybe I don't want to know.

So, Miss Smarty Pants is on the plane....reading her Blackberry and the announcement comes on that we are going to land - sometime in the next half hour - and all electronic devises should be turned off. That means YOU in 22C reading the Blackberry. So I am forced to turn off my book and sit.....and watch .....while my husband continues .........to READ his BOOK - as in paperback - BOOK!!!

I have already read the Sunseekers travel magazine, which is tucked into the pocket in front of me, on the trip down and I even looked at the pamphlet on how the plane is constructed and all the safety features that go with it that I should know about. And then I spy....the air sick bag. ....with this printed on it.


"Gently peel label off bag. Fold down two times away from label and adhere to bag."

And I think to myself. Really? you are about to puke your guts out and first you have to read instructions??!!! And THEN I thought...are you supposed to do this FIRST, as in peel the label off and fold the sides down twice and then hurl?

No, that can't be right. Read instructions again. "Gently peel label off bag....fold down two times away from label." I thought you just peeled the label off! What if you tossed it on the floor and it slide under the seat in FRONT of you...would you then fold the bag two times toward the BACK of the plane? All the while trying to keep your lunch in check.

No, that can't be right. Read instructions again. Oh, the penny finally drops. This is what you are SUPPOSED TO DO after you have "used" the bag, not before. Good to know....but what if you need more than one bag and you are busy reading how to fold it down and adhere it while up comes another wave of....last nights dinner? You wave frantically or press your Air Hostess bell...."another bag here please." Because wouldn't you know it...the people who sat here before you let their children use the air sick bags to draw on and they took their precious artwork with them. The row opposite have people who are now ignoring you with all of their might.

Air Hostess takes her time walking down the aisle...like a slow motion movie...and when she gets to you...you gasp and swallow and hand her the used bag. She sniffs and you manage to squeak through white lips "I think I need another bag...or maybe two."

She examines your folding technique....huurrumph "You didn't fold this correctly. It says specifically TWO times, you did it once."

"I promise I'll do better on the next one."

She looks at the two seats opposite you.....with the people reading their books for all they are worth. Huuurrrmph! Someone is going to get supreme shit for not stocking up the air sick bags.

Down the aisle she trundles and you try and swallow, breath deeply, sing to yourself...even your inside voice is trembling.....TH..TH...The sun will come out to....to...tomorrow.....anything but toss your cookies. She trundles back with TWO bags in her hands and hands them to you...thankfully she doesn't tell you that will be $4.00 each and they only take Debit or Credit cards.

You smile and just as you reach for the bags....you immediately throw up on her shoes.

*****

A few months ago we received a new VISA card as the old one had expired. A nasty thing that happens every few years and is a pain because we have several auto-charged monthly bills on that credit card for Canada and the U.S.

We have had this card for almost thirty years and have collected Aeroplan points for travel - which we have used numerous times.

Just this last while the bank we use, only for this credit card, CIBC, decided not to renew Aeroplan - which is Air Canada - airmiles and so the Toronto Dominion Bank picked them up. I was sure, somewhere along the line, I was told there would be NO changes and things would proceed as normal. HA!

Last week I received a pile of NEW cards from TD Bank...all with NEW numbers. So, even though I just notified all of the auto-charge people recently, I now have to notify them again with an entire new number and expiration date for this latest credit card.

So, I did. And then I got a call back from one of the businesses that the new card was rejected!  This is because...I can use my old CIBC credit card until midnight of June 15th......at which point it will be rendered useless by the powers that be..........BUT I CAN"T use the new TD credit card until 12:01 of July 16th. And obviously not a moment before.

I supposed I will have to call everyone AGAIN next week to make sure they have the correct numbers and nothing will bounce or be charged twice. SIGH. This could take a while.



Things I have learned this week:

Renovations always take longer and cost more than you think.

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Some people have too much time on their hands....but this is kind of interesting. A man filmed the secret life of dishwashers with a Go Pro camera. I have to assume he did it to test the waterproof claim of the camera....but who knew THIS is what it looks like inside that machine??? Slosh, slosh....

****

Some idiot swimming in Australia's coastal waters provoked a stingray and got chased....ya think? Didn't this guy ever hear of the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin who accidentally stepped on one and was struck with it's barb and died?? Once again proving - you can't fix stupid.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET????

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There is actually an Alps Finger Wrestling championship in Germany. Could this be where the expression.... 'pull my finger' originated?

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A mother in Alaska wants to legally change her small daughters' middle name to "Awesome." Why?  Well, her 15 year old son, who originally wanted to call the daughter "Danger" has decided it would be 'cool.' Proving, once again, that some people should NOT have children...all at...never...no way...

****

You can get wigs for cats -

"LUKE - I am your sister"

YOU CALL THAT ART..... !!!!!!!

I recently read that ART has no boundaries. And I do believe that ART is subjective, personal, your opinion, a matter of personal taste etc. etc. BUT what is ART when it is just in BAD TASTE?

If a comedian (as in an ARTIST) says something like "That's about as funny as the holocaust." Do we laugh, frown, turn to our partner and say - 'wow - now that was in bad taste'......

We had an ARTIST of some renown here who did a display, out in the woods, with bits of twigs and leaves and dead bunnies hanging about. It was called ART. I thought it should be called BAD TASTE. I believe she is the same ARTIST who went on to design a MEAT DRESS. I kid you not! Her husband is an ARTIST as well, along with all of her friends...who all pat themselves on the backs and have a mutual admiration society which just encourages them to come up with more 'edgy' "out there" and yes, BAD TASTE ART! ART without boundaries.

AND THEN there is the ....man on the street....well, I could do an entire blog on this subject, but for now I will just show you this:

Is this kind of express an art form? Can we just say that this is......bad taste? His own personal expression? A walking ART form? As my friend says, "How did he know when he was finished?"

Bad Art is, according to the Museum of Bad Art in Dedham, Massachusetts, "art that is created with the best of intentions, but gone horribly wrong." 

Unlike commercially-produced "assembly line" art, genuine BAD ART cannot be created on purpose. The painter who sets out to create BAD ART isn’t creating that at all, because what they create is silly and glib....and intentionally BAD.

I beleive real BAD ART springs forth with a sense of hope, one that defiantly states: “I commit my soul to this creation; one that will make the world weep.”

I almost wept when I spotted this. It is supposed to be a dog...with three legs?...and what is with the blue balls and the fur bra??? I truly hope the artist didn't commit their soul to this one.

Naked bodies - okay that got your attention. I have been to museums and seen truly beautiful works in marble of naked men....and women...and children. They aren't beautiful because they are naked they are beautiful because of the craftsmanship...the, dare I say...artistry. Then I have seen a statue of a young naked girl on the back of bull with it's tongue sticking out, by one of our local ARTISTS and my first thought is - pervert! Okay the work itself is very, very good...but the subject is well ....in my humble opinion...bad taste. 

Another naked body - except for a headscarf  - called ART is described as follows:

The work is mostly made out of sugar and comprises a series of figures, including 15 servants bearing empty baskets and bananas. These boyish slaves are moving towards a giantess at the centre of the piece, naked except for a Black Mammie headscarf. Her sphinx-like physique is exaggeratedly feminine.

"I was thinking about sugar and the associations with desire," explains the artist. 

Yeah, well....it makes me think of pancakes....or maybe Oprah. Oh, was that in bad taste???

*****

In Moncton, N.B. a young man went on a shooting rampage. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police told the news agents the officers were shot responding to reports of an armed man wearing camouflage clothing.

Residents were told to stay indoors but be on the lookout for....a man wearing camouflage.

A rather vague description...considering ...oh, all the special police suited up the same way!

Things I've learned this week:

Stingrays can fly. Well, they jump out of the water and flap...but hey - that is  kind of like flying.

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Hungry men crave bigger women and I am assuming vise versa.....

Going out in search of love on an empty stomach makes people more attracted to larger partners.

NOPE - no matter how hungry I am......not happening: