Creative, constructive and informative bitching. That is what a friend and I decided should be the title of my Blog..... CCIB for short.
I do try and be creative, humorous, constructively critical and always informative....really, who else will bring you weird news of the week? When he commented to me about this idea I took it as a compliment. Some might say that isn't a compliment, especially when you tack on the word 'bitching' which kind of erases anything nice that was previously said.
Compliments come in many forms. For instance, when our daughter was a teenager, and every day was a new hair day, she sat down at the table and my husband blurted:
"I like that new look. Your hair fits your head nice."
Daughter : "DAD!!!!" stomp, stomp, stomp down the hall, door slams.
"I meant it as a compliment." he told me.
I remember when visiting out at the Coast one year, my sister-in-law came home from the hairdresser and her hair was, to say the least, not the most attractive. I commented:
"it's very shiny."
"Hrumph." stomp, stomp, stomp up the stairs and door slams.
Her husband says to me, "Way to go. "for a fat person you don't sweat much!."
Geez, give me a break, I was trying to be a little positive. And I must say, in my defense, I HAVE NEVER been happy with what a hairdresser thinks is what my hair should look like. I always come home and do it myself. BUT, sometimes when you mean well it just doesn't work.
Speaking of hair. For a while I was wearing my hair down, as in shoulder length, blown dry,curled, tortured into place and sprayed. We went out for dinner with another couple and the husband said.
" I really like your hair down. You look so much younger.....I mean I like it the other way too, ........but you look ........SO MUCH younger."
I am sensing a theme here....like maybe, perhaps, likely DON'T comment on a womans hair.
****
It seemed like a good idea at the time: A man named Ben had dressed as the McDonald's mascot Ronald McDonald while he participated in a protest for higher wages for fast food workers in New York City. During the protest 'Ronald McDonald' was 'arrested' by other protesters for corporate greed and withholding wages.
"No wait!!! Really, I'm on your side...this is just a costume. I'm trying to make a point!"
"Yeah well, get over there with The Hamburgler!!"
***
One to watch: We have a city election coming up....and I am beginning to think that ANYONE can run for Mayor of this fine city. 'Mike For Mayor' Vogiatzakis has decided to toss his hat in the ring. The fact that he has no experience whatsoever and has had a few brushes with the law doesn't seem to faze this guy who actually states "I've NEVER done anything that I am ashamed of or I regret." Seriously - never?
We all have things that we are ashamed of and a whole pile of things that we regret....but not this guy. Which makes me suspicious as hell.
He has been convicted - twice - of filing a false statement to Manitoba Public Insurance because he collected benefits while working. He has had a judgment issued against him for non payment of earnings while running a DJ business and he is currently operating a funeral parlor which I wouldn't go to ....over my dead body.
He says there are two sides to every story and he paid $3,500.00 in fines and court costs because "MPI took me to a courtroom and said:
'HEY, LISTEN, we'll make you a deal. Why don't you sign that you made a false statement under the Highway Traffic Act?' and, Boom, there you go."
Good Grief! Shades of the Soparanos.
*****
And the winner is: How to Poo on a Date. Apparently you don't need to actually write a book that has any substance other than it's title.
How to Poo on a Date won the annual Diagram Prize, which is the years BEST TITLE award. The books publisher said "We are very happy and honoured that the public thought our book worthy of first place, because we would have been disappointed to be number two."
Other shortlisted titles were Working Class Cats:The Bodega Cats of New York City; Pie-ography:Where Pie meets Biography and How to Pray When You're Pissed at God.
Previous winners of the Diagram Prize have been : Bombproof your Horse; If you want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs, and last year's winner Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop.
*****
The other morning my husband says to me "So where were you last night?"
As I don't often sleep well and get up and move to another location this is not a strange questions, however, I was there, by his side, all night.
"I was there." I replied.
"No," he says, "in my dream. Brad Pitt was here along with Rick Shaw." Rick is a neighbour from the lake.
"Well, that's two people I never thought I would see together." I replied, then I thought a moment and asked, "I wonder if you are ever in Brad's dreams?"
Things I've learned this week:
Anyone can run for Mayor.
You don't have to be a great writer to win a prize - just have a good imagination.
If someone pays you a compliment just accept it and move on.
BRAD PITT was in MY YARD!
Friday, 28 March 2014
Thursday, 20 March 2014
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT....OR DRINK.....OR READ
While reading our local newspaper I read the latest article written by my email buddy, humour columnist, Doug Speirs.
Being fashion forward, Doug was telling the rapt readers that the newest, and latest, to-die-for colour this year is Radiant Orchid. Yes, that's what I thought as well. Why is Doug, who, in his own words, is the size of a large kitchen appliance.....giving out fashion tips? Oh, that isn't what you were thinking??? You wondered what is Radiant Orchid? It's basically a mid-tone mauve/purple that "blooms with confidence and magical warmth." I kid you not - that is a direct quote.
Seeing as Doug and I get to, for the most part, sit around our houses thinking up things to write about, this is very important to us. Only he gets paid to do this and I get paid to work in the 'family business ', which is in no way connected to THE family business whose boss is called Guido. My job...the one I get paid to do...sometimes entails answering calls and other related duties, in my pajamas....and at times of the year I have a lot of down time, so that is where Doug and I have things in common. Besides, Doug is supposed to come up with stuff on a regular basis from the comfort of his sofa, and I have this blog to write - neither of us are beneath scouring the Interweb for things like the latest fashion colours.
My only question to people pushing Radiant Orchid is how is that going to look with the heavy eyebrows and deep orange lips that are also "hot" this spring? Not that I was sitting around on the sofa, in my pajamas, watching Cityline in the middle of the day, on Fashion Friday....or anything......
*****
The National Frozen and Refrigerated Food Association has come up with some tasty ideas for you to whip up when unexpected company comes a'knocking.
I do believe this is two Eggos with icing and sprinkles. I noticed in the background what looks like a glass of milk. I don't actually remember the last time I offered an unexpected guest a glass of milk, let alone a waffle patterned, circle of white flour and straight sugar to go along with it. This does not say "Welcome to my home." it says "I am trying to kill you."
I recently saw a TV ad that promoted chips and a red wine combo. Is this part of the new dumbing down that seems to be happening?
One online source promoting this new tasty treat states "Well, it's time to class up your couch - or just take a break from the every day by pairing inexpensive wines with potato chips." Seriously - CLASS UP YOUR COUCH? PAIRING???
The Dallas Morning News went through 19 wines under $15 and sampled them with a variety of flavoured chips. The clear favourites were fruity reds and sparkling wines - both of which would seemly appear to pair well with the heavy grease and high sodium in chips. Yum!
The guiding principle for putting together a bowl of chips and a glass of wine is, we are told, to have a strong flavor in one and a complimentary flavor in the other.
For example, you'd want to avoid, say, chips like sour cream and onion, dill pickle, salt and vinegar, and maybe ketchup flavouring with a nice peppery Merlot. Instead, one article suggests, you substitute texture for spice - like a sampling of krinkle cut potato chips and sparkling wine/champagne. It's New Years!!! Have a chip.....
It is said (by whom, I don't know!) that "Potato chip flavouring is becoming as sophisticated and complex as wine." Me thinks that the whom are Old Dutch.
Really? Well, I for one won't be bellying up to the Chip Bar to munch and crunch any time soon......but then, I guess I won't have to spit between tastings.
****
We had a client in this weekend, who spent most of their time playing on their IPad while sitting in our office. It was as though he just couldn't break away from the draw of someone, somewhere trying to ask him a question, telling him what they were doing that immediate moment....who knew...but he was attached to his device like a baby to an umbilical cord.
The I (am so important) Pad and CrackBerry are taking over people's lives, and not in a good way. I have no problem with being in touch, but when you are in the middle of an important meeting and you HAVE to check the little box that just blinked, it is tantamount to someone asking you to hold while they check the other line. Meaning - YOU keep waiting - THIS person could be more important than you!
What the addicted seem to forget is that Facebook friends are NOT really FRIENDS and if you actually piss off enough of your real friends by making them wait while you chat to others, you just may end up constantly checking to see if anyone has sent you something. ....No?? Nothing - a blank screen? Well, perhaps you now have lost all of your REAL contacts. Something to think about, you lonely, sad dependent!
On that note, there is a new App out called Cloak....it tells you where your friends are.....so you can avoid them! And that folks is how it will start.....
Things I learned this week:
Last weeks blog was entitled "Flaying ain't what it used to be." when in fact I meant to type FLYING....but flaying works!
****
Those nasty people who have already taken over our caffeine intake with K-Cups are now going to program their machines to only take their make and model....no more NoName products will pass your lips. Fair? No. Good business? Yes. Not really any different than all those razors that only fit their own blades.....
****
I would buy this doormat
Being fashion forward, Doug was telling the rapt readers that the newest, and latest, to-die-for colour this year is Radiant Orchid. Yes, that's what I thought as well. Why is Doug, who, in his own words, is the size of a large kitchen appliance.....giving out fashion tips? Oh, that isn't what you were thinking??? You wondered what is Radiant Orchid? It's basically a mid-tone mauve/purple that "blooms with confidence and magical warmth." I kid you not - that is a direct quote.
Seeing as Doug and I get to, for the most part, sit around our houses thinking up things to write about, this is very important to us. Only he gets paid to do this and I get paid to work in the 'family business ', which is in no way connected to THE family business whose boss is called Guido. My job...the one I get paid to do...sometimes entails answering calls and other related duties, in my pajamas....and at times of the year I have a lot of down time, so that is where Doug and I have things in common. Besides, Doug is supposed to come up with stuff on a regular basis from the comfort of his sofa, and I have this blog to write - neither of us are beneath scouring the Interweb for things like the latest fashion colours.
My only question to people pushing Radiant Orchid is how is that going to look with the heavy eyebrows and deep orange lips that are also "hot" this spring? Not that I was sitting around on the sofa, in my pajamas, watching Cityline in the middle of the day, on Fashion Friday....or anything......
*****
The National Frozen and Refrigerated Food Association has come up with some tasty ideas for you to whip up when unexpected company comes a'knocking.
I do believe this is two Eggos with icing and sprinkles. I noticed in the background what looks like a glass of milk. I don't actually remember the last time I offered an unexpected guest a glass of milk, let alone a waffle patterned, circle of white flour and straight sugar to go along with it. This does not say "Welcome to my home." it says "I am trying to kill you."
I recently saw a TV ad that promoted chips and a red wine combo. Is this part of the new dumbing down that seems to be happening?
One online source promoting this new tasty treat states "Well, it's time to class up your couch - or just take a break from the every day by pairing inexpensive wines with potato chips." Seriously - CLASS UP YOUR COUCH? PAIRING???
The Dallas Morning News went through 19 wines under $15 and sampled them with a variety of flavoured chips. The clear favourites were fruity reds and sparkling wines - both of which would seemly appear to pair well with the heavy grease and high sodium in chips. Yum!
The guiding principle for putting together a bowl of chips and a glass of wine is, we are told, to have a strong flavor in one and a complimentary flavor in the other.
For example, you'd want to avoid, say, chips like sour cream and onion, dill pickle, salt and vinegar, and maybe ketchup flavouring with a nice peppery Merlot. Instead, one article suggests, you substitute texture for spice - like a sampling of krinkle cut potato chips and sparkling wine/champagne. It's New Years!!! Have a chip.....
It is said (by whom, I don't know!) that "Potato chip flavouring is becoming as sophisticated and complex as wine." Me thinks that the whom are Old Dutch.
Really? Well, I for one won't be bellying up to the Chip Bar to munch and crunch any time soon......but then, I guess I won't have to spit between tastings.
****
We had a client in this weekend, who spent most of their time playing on their IPad while sitting in our office. It was as though he just couldn't break away from the draw of someone, somewhere trying to ask him a question, telling him what they were doing that immediate moment....who knew...but he was attached to his device like a baby to an umbilical cord.
The I (am so important) Pad and CrackBerry are taking over people's lives, and not in a good way. I have no problem with being in touch, but when you are in the middle of an important meeting and you HAVE to check the little box that just blinked, it is tantamount to someone asking you to hold while they check the other line. Meaning - YOU keep waiting - THIS person could be more important than you!
What the addicted seem to forget is that Facebook friends are NOT really FRIENDS and if you actually piss off enough of your real friends by making them wait while you chat to others, you just may end up constantly checking to see if anyone has sent you something. ....No?? Nothing - a blank screen? Well, perhaps you now have lost all of your REAL contacts. Something to think about, you lonely, sad dependent!
On that note, there is a new App out called Cloak....it tells you where your friends are.....so you can avoid them! And that folks is how it will start.....
Things I learned this week:
Last weeks blog was entitled "Flaying ain't what it used to be." when in fact I meant to type FLYING....but flaying works!
****
Those nasty people who have already taken over our caffeine intake with K-Cups are now going to program their machines to only take their make and model....no more NoName products will pass your lips. Fair? No. Good business? Yes. Not really any different than all those razors that only fit their own blades.....
****
I would buy this doormat
***
Prince Harry is apparently quite the handyman around Buck Palace. At least that is what someone on FACEBOOK told an Austrian floor layer. The Austrian actually believed, first of all, that Prince Harry had a public Facebook page, and secondly that he was in charge of getting the floors fixed at the palace and was looking for quotes. I kid you not. The Austrian even sent money to a bank location in the U.K. to "start up a British bank account so that he could do business there." Duped?? You bet! You know that old saying "you can't fix stupid" well, in this case you can tell them just about anything and they will believe it...and you can take that to the bank. Preferably in the U.K. thanks.
**
I know we are a society of CYA (Cover Your Ass) mentality, but really.....
I called the funeral home to arrange to pick up my father-in-laws ashes. I spoke to Anthony who advised me that only the person who signed the cremation order can pick up ashes. Well, that would be my husband...who is traveling...out of town.
So when I advised said husband he said,
"That is just stupid. Why does it matter?"
to which I replied:
"Well, I guess, if just anyone walked in and picked them up that would be a problem. Because when we showed up it would be a game of....."Where's Ernie???"
He agreed that would not be good.
Wednesday, 12 March 2014
FLAYING AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE....
So I was emailing with a friend of mine, who happens to be the humour columnist for the Winnipeg Free Press, okay....it was Doug Speirs, and I mentioned that perhaps he would want to do an article on flying with dogs. As in dogs in the CARGO bay on airplanes. Doug sometimes writes articles regarding pets, pet shelters, pet adoption fund raisers....you get the idea.
I know, to all of you out there who will instantly say NO!, not all people think flying animals is a good idea, including Doug who stated he would be 'reluctant." But then his dogs are the size of cracker boxes so they wouldn't have to go into cargo.
My dog is 65 pounds, or maybe 70 if the vet isn't around to weigh him and tell me he should lose some weight. He has to go into cargo - no choice. Of course - the choice could be to drive for four days to get to our Arizona place and then drive four days back....into winter, ice, snow, fog. So this year we flew him with Westjet. Again, no choice because Wesjet is the only carrier that has direct flights to Phoenix and I sure wasn't going to take the chance of getting stuck in Calgary!
So, six weeks before our trip we bought a kennel. Danny could actually use the next size up kennel than the one we bought, but Westjet has RULES and one is the size of the largest kennel. I started by keeping it next to his bed and tossing treats into it once in a while. At first he wasn't going to go all the way in, but over time he went in, turned around and walked out without any panic on his little pointy face. Next step - close the door and lock him in. A puzzled expression, then a pawing at the metal door. I let him out and over the weeks kept him locked in for longer periods. At one point he just lay down and waited for me to come back and open the door. BINGO! We were ready to go.
Our airport is new - as in, you can still smell the paint - and the powers that be (or in some cases the powers who think they are the powers that be...more on this later) decided that they had better step up their game and really be efficient.
So, check in was fine. We had Danny on a leash and the kennel on a trolley. Westjet said we could just walk him to security because they would have to inspect the cage. I know - we all think this is just silly - but we HAVE to go along with it since 9/11. At security they say: "You can't take the trolley in."
What? Okay, stay calm. Danny on leash, each taking a small bag, husband dragging large kennel. We ALL go through the scanner...I was waiting for them to ask Danny to stand and put his paws over his head but this didn't happen.
Put shoes back on ( I traveled through eleven....yes, eleven airports last year and this it the only airport where I had to remove my shoes!!!), belt back on, keep hanging onto dog who wants to be a WalMart greeter to everyone....carry and drag kennel (which has now been checked for explosive devices) to our next stop.......U.S. customs.
"Why isn't that dog in the kennel?" asks the not so happy customs lady.
"Because we couldn't bring the trolley through and if he is in the kennel he would be too big to carry." This seems reasonable to us.
"He needs to be in a kennel. He could scratch a child." I look around....nope...NO CHILD in sight.
Husband finds a trolley. Dog into kennel (paw, paw at the door), trolley rolls to U.S. Customs. She smiles and let's us go through. Yes - she has the power to make people do her bidding!!!
OKAY - does this even make sense? We then have to trolley him all the way to the gate so the "Westjet representatives can see the dog." What is this - a dog show?
Off we ramble to the gate - yup - it's a dog....and now back to the elevator (which we passed several miles ago). A quick look at Danny ( paw, paw) as we merrily roll along. Arrive at elevator where we are greeted by a Westjet attendant. We wait, and wait and wait.
"The person coming to pick the dog up got caught in the elevator." she explains to us. We nod, and wait.......45 minutes!!! (paw, paw)
"You only have one elevator?" I ask. This is a brand spanking new, state of the art, very expensive airport.
"Well, we have to use this elevator because you are now officially in the U.S. "
Geez - that was a short trip!! But no - we weren't magically transported, we came through U.S. customs and now are stuck in nowhere land....I'm in, I'm out...look U.S.....Canada....nah, nah, nah!!!
EVENTUALLY I went back to the gate while my husband and Danny (paw, paw) waited by the elevator that wasn't working, with the guy stuck in it and told them no one had picked up the dog.
A look of shock and horror on the attendants faces - but we are boarding.....!!!.....A frantic phone call and assurances that the plane would not leave until Danny .....and the two of us I presume, were all aboard.
Trundle back to the elevator where two guys pick up the kennel (paw, paw) and CARRY him down the stairs to the plane. We race back to the gate, board the plane and within minutes receive a slip of paper telling us that Danny is safely tucked into the cargo hold. Which I have since learned is just for doggies and other sundry and just below the pilots.
Land safe and sound in Phoenix three hours later, where a very happy collie gets out and wiggles himself silly.
ONE TRIP DOWN and the return:
Put dog in kennel immediately upon arrival at the airport. He is seen by a WestJet attendant and we are taken to a private, quiet room where he is taken out and looked at...all is calm. The attendant then wheels him away and we are left standing like two new parents watching their child get swallowed up by the school system on the first day of kindergarten.
While waiting to board the plane I look out the window and I see the ramp just under the pilots, and then I see a man lift Danny's kennel onto the ramp....and take his hand and tickle Danny through the cage door and talk to him. My heart settles. We get onto the plane and there is our little slip of paper telling us Danny is aboard. Off we fly back home.
AH - Canada Customs. How long have you been there, what did you do, anything to declare??? We did fill out the customs form in front of you....
Get Danny at the cargo entrance, leave him in the kennel and wheel him away...to another customs/security person who takes one look at our declaration form and says: "You didn't declare the dog!!!!!"
Had I been thinking clearly (it was after midnight) I would have said in my best Southern accent: "Waahhh, Yes! Ah do declare....that IS a dog!"
However, taking a cue from my very silent husband (which is an indicator that he is really getting pissed at this) I remain silent.
We are quickly taken to another room with Danny on the trolley (paw, paw).
"Why didn't you declare the dog?" asks the extremely stern Customers/Security person.
I explained that we had never flown with him before and after showing her all of his papers and her pointing with her pen to WHERE I SHOULD HAVE declared the dog.....right after plants....it SAYS ANIMALS!!! she let us go, but not until she explains to us that THEY take this kind of thing very seriously.
Seriously?? a dog in a kennel and a declaration slip?
Okay...... husband mumbles a few things under his breath, I let the dog out of the kennel - just daring for someone to come and tell me I can't. It's late, we are tired, Danny is so happy to be free....and the same Customs/Security person walks by on her way home and stops.
Oh CRAP!
She bends over and says to Danny "There you are! I bet you are happy to be out of that kennel!!" and walks out the door.
Oh! Canada! WE STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE.....
Until next year....
Things I have learned this week:
Some people just don't live in the real world....one of Marc Anthony's ex wives is coming after him for more child support. He is a Latin singer of some note and was at one time married to Jennifer Lopez, in case you don't know who he is, but he isn't the problem.
His ex wife is demanding he increases his monthly payments from $13,000 to $113,000 for his sons Cristian, 13, and Ryan, 10.
WHY??? Dayanara, who divorced Marc in 2004, claims her children have a lavish lifestyle when they're with their father, but live in relative poverty when they're with her.
So, I imagined that she was a single gal just trying to make ends meet while he frolics around the globe with various young lovelies on his arm. Not so.
The 39-year-old actress (I've never heard of her) allegedly wants the extra cash to pay for house staff and the opportunity to take her boys on a vacation. Oh yeah - now that is poverty!
*****
Rail union chief in England, Bob Crow, passed away this week. Personally, I have never been one for unions. I believe the initial idea was needed, but lately, I have been turned off by the strong arm tactics and the big bosses keeping their big salaries while the little people walk the picket lines with strike pay.
Bob Crow was a kind of Rob Ford looking guy, with a little Mafia don flare thrown in for good measure. He looked like , as the British would say, a "tough."
He wasn't affiliated with any particular political party and had worked his way up from humble beginnings working on the railways at 16 years of age. In 2002, he ran for election and he won, so good on him.
HOWEVER, at the time of his death he was making about $200,000.00 per year while living in a COUNCIL house - as in, one that is subsidised by the government. He was 52 and his favorite dog was a pittbull.
I know, to all of you out there who will instantly say NO!, not all people think flying animals is a good idea, including Doug who stated he would be 'reluctant." But then his dogs are the size of cracker boxes so they wouldn't have to go into cargo.
My dog is 65 pounds, or maybe 70 if the vet isn't around to weigh him and tell me he should lose some weight. He has to go into cargo - no choice. Of course - the choice could be to drive for four days to get to our Arizona place and then drive four days back....into winter, ice, snow, fog. So this year we flew him with Westjet. Again, no choice because Wesjet is the only carrier that has direct flights to Phoenix and I sure wasn't going to take the chance of getting stuck in Calgary!
So, six weeks before our trip we bought a kennel. Danny could actually use the next size up kennel than the one we bought, but Westjet has RULES and one is the size of the largest kennel. I started by keeping it next to his bed and tossing treats into it once in a while. At first he wasn't going to go all the way in, but over time he went in, turned around and walked out without any panic on his little pointy face. Next step - close the door and lock him in. A puzzled expression, then a pawing at the metal door. I let him out and over the weeks kept him locked in for longer periods. At one point he just lay down and waited for me to come back and open the door. BINGO! We were ready to go.
Our airport is new - as in, you can still smell the paint - and the powers that be (or in some cases the powers who think they are the powers that be...more on this later) decided that they had better step up their game and really be efficient.
So, check in was fine. We had Danny on a leash and the kennel on a trolley. Westjet said we could just walk him to security because they would have to inspect the cage. I know - we all think this is just silly - but we HAVE to go along with it since 9/11. At security they say: "You can't take the trolley in."
What? Okay, stay calm. Danny on leash, each taking a small bag, husband dragging large kennel. We ALL go through the scanner...I was waiting for them to ask Danny to stand and put his paws over his head but this didn't happen.
Put shoes back on ( I traveled through eleven....yes, eleven airports last year and this it the only airport where I had to remove my shoes!!!), belt back on, keep hanging onto dog who wants to be a WalMart greeter to everyone....carry and drag kennel (which has now been checked for explosive devices) to our next stop.......U.S. customs.
"Why isn't that dog in the kennel?" asks the not so happy customs lady.
"Because we couldn't bring the trolley through and if he is in the kennel he would be too big to carry." This seems reasonable to us.
"He needs to be in a kennel. He could scratch a child." I look around....nope...NO CHILD in sight.
Husband finds a trolley. Dog into kennel (paw, paw at the door), trolley rolls to U.S. Customs. She smiles and let's us go through. Yes - she has the power to make people do her bidding!!!
OKAY - does this even make sense? We then have to trolley him all the way to the gate so the "Westjet representatives can see the dog." What is this - a dog show?
Off we ramble to the gate - yup - it's a dog....and now back to the elevator (which we passed several miles ago). A quick look at Danny ( paw, paw) as we merrily roll along. Arrive at elevator where we are greeted by a Westjet attendant. We wait, and wait and wait.
"The person coming to pick the dog up got caught in the elevator." she explains to us. We nod, and wait.......45 minutes!!! (paw, paw)
"You only have one elevator?" I ask. This is a brand spanking new, state of the art, very expensive airport.
"Well, we have to use this elevator because you are now officially in the U.S. "
Geez - that was a short trip!! But no - we weren't magically transported, we came through U.S. customs and now are stuck in nowhere land....I'm in, I'm out...look U.S.....Canada....nah, nah, nah!!!
EVENTUALLY I went back to the gate while my husband and Danny (paw, paw) waited by the elevator that wasn't working, with the guy stuck in it and told them no one had picked up the dog.
A look of shock and horror on the attendants faces - but we are boarding.....!!!.....A frantic phone call and assurances that the plane would not leave until Danny .....and the two of us I presume, were all aboard.
Trundle back to the elevator where two guys pick up the kennel (paw, paw) and CARRY him down the stairs to the plane. We race back to the gate, board the plane and within minutes receive a slip of paper telling us that Danny is safely tucked into the cargo hold. Which I have since learned is just for doggies and other sundry and just below the pilots.
Land safe and sound in Phoenix three hours later, where a very happy collie gets out and wiggles himself silly.
ONE TRIP DOWN and the return:
Put dog in kennel immediately upon arrival at the airport. He is seen by a WestJet attendant and we are taken to a private, quiet room where he is taken out and looked at...all is calm. The attendant then wheels him away and we are left standing like two new parents watching their child get swallowed up by the school system on the first day of kindergarten.
While waiting to board the plane I look out the window and I see the ramp just under the pilots, and then I see a man lift Danny's kennel onto the ramp....and take his hand and tickle Danny through the cage door and talk to him. My heart settles. We get onto the plane and there is our little slip of paper telling us Danny is aboard. Off we fly back home.
AH - Canada Customs. How long have you been there, what did you do, anything to declare??? We did fill out the customs form in front of you....
Get Danny at the cargo entrance, leave him in the kennel and wheel him away...to another customs/security person who takes one look at our declaration form and says: "You didn't declare the dog!!!!!"
Had I been thinking clearly (it was after midnight) I would have said in my best Southern accent: "Waahhh, Yes! Ah do declare....that IS a dog!"
However, taking a cue from my very silent husband (which is an indicator that he is really getting pissed at this) I remain silent.
We are quickly taken to another room with Danny on the trolley (paw, paw).
"Why didn't you declare the dog?" asks the extremely stern Customers/Security person.
I explained that we had never flown with him before and after showing her all of his papers and her pointing with her pen to WHERE I SHOULD HAVE declared the dog.....right after plants....it SAYS ANIMALS!!! she let us go, but not until she explains to us that THEY take this kind of thing very seriously.
Seriously?? a dog in a kennel and a declaration slip?
Okay...... husband mumbles a few things under his breath, I let the dog out of the kennel - just daring for someone to come and tell me I can't. It's late, we are tired, Danny is so happy to be free....and the same Customs/Security person walks by on her way home and stops.
Oh CRAP!
She bends over and says to Danny "There you are! I bet you are happy to be out of that kennel!!" and walks out the door.
Oh! Canada! WE STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE.....
Until next year....
Things I have learned this week:
Some people just don't live in the real world....one of Marc Anthony's ex wives is coming after him for more child support. He is a Latin singer of some note and was at one time married to Jennifer Lopez, in case you don't know who he is, but he isn't the problem.
His ex wife is demanding he increases his monthly payments from $13,000 to $113,000 for his sons Cristian, 13, and Ryan, 10.
WHY??? Dayanara, who divorced Marc in 2004, claims her children have a lavish lifestyle when they're with their father, but live in relative poverty when they're with her.
So, I imagined that she was a single gal just trying to make ends meet while he frolics around the globe with various young lovelies on his arm. Not so.
The 39-year-old actress (I've never heard of her) allegedly wants the extra cash to pay for house staff and the opportunity to take her boys on a vacation. Oh yeah - now that is poverty!
*****
Rail union chief in England, Bob Crow, passed away this week. Personally, I have never been one for unions. I believe the initial idea was needed, but lately, I have been turned off by the strong arm tactics and the big bosses keeping their big salaries while the little people walk the picket lines with strike pay.
Bob Crow was a kind of Rob Ford looking guy, with a little Mafia don flare thrown in for good measure. He looked like , as the British would say, a "tough."
He wasn't affiliated with any particular political party and had worked his way up from humble beginnings working on the railways at 16 years of age. In 2002, he ran for election and he won, so good on him.
HOWEVER, at the time of his death he was making about $200,000.00 per year while living in a COUNCIL house - as in, one that is subsidised by the government. He was 52 and his favorite dog was a pittbull.
Friday, 7 March 2014
LIAR, LIAR...PANTS ON FIRE...
I just don't understand why anyone would make up a story like this, thinking that people will actually believe them and they could get away without being exposed.
"I was sitting outside listening to music, and all the sudden I see a shadow go by me," Mr. Hennessy told WFTV news. "I look off to the side of me and just, well, I thought it was somebody, and I went to meet whoever it was and it was a bear. He got ahold of my clothes. I just started punching him and he ran off. I got right in his way.” My, My what a very brave or very stupid Mr. Hennessy.
Figuring he was on to a good thing Mr.Hennessy then said the bear dragged him around by his pant leg before he punched it and drove it off.
"It kind of charged at me," he said. "It was a tackle match for a second, he got ahold of my clothes and I just started punching him and he just ran off." He showed scratches to his leg and arm for dramatic effect.
Wow - that makes a great story - except:
The true story was that Mr. Hennessy saw a bear. He DECIDED TO CHASE it, but while running after the fleeing animal, he tripped and fell down on the gravel path, which caused some cuts and scraps to his arm and leg.
His original story was posted, along with a picture of young Mr. Hennessy, with his shirt off, holding the leash of his Doberman Pinscher.
Personally, I would have rooted for the bear to take Mr. Hennessy out of the gene pool.....but then the bear would have been punished - so never mind.
****
This headline will certainly make you sleep better:
30,000 year old giant virus 'comes back to life.'
It was found frozen deep in the Siberian permafrost and once it was thawed out it became infectious once again. I kid you not. They even named it....Pithovirus Sibericum...quite imaginative considering it is indeed a virus and was discovered in Siberia.
Unlike other virus, this one is SO LARGE it can be seen with a microscope. Tests, SO FAR, show that it attacks amoebas (single cell organisms) but does not infect humans or animals....YET!!! Cue eerie music here..
NOW the researchers are scratching their heads and wondering what else is in this region AND with climate change, could other virus be released as the earth thaws?? Well researchers - that is a very good question.
Stated one Professor "If you start having industrial exploration, the deep permafrost layers will be exposed and this is where the DANGER is coming from." So, a question I would like to ask.....for an educated man why is he ending his sentence with a preposition??? No - I want to ask, if there ARE any plans for industrial exploration and WHERE exactly did they find this potentially dangerous virus???
Just how long the virus can remain 'viable' after thawing is the million dollar question, because, when they do thaw they need to find a host ......and I quote...'pretty fast.'
But don't worry - stay away from the Siberian permafrost, and always carry a microscope - you should be just fine.
Things I've learned this week:
12 years a slave, which I have not seen, was nominated for nine academy awards. It was also considered the "Schindler’s List of slavery films,” That's a quote folks....so don't shoot the messenger.
*****
It is fine to show off our baby bump...but seriously...what was she thinking? And, hormones aside, why didn't he comment that this is NOT very flattering to wear to the Oscars - where the entire world is watching!! Ten years from now she will look at this picture and comment "shoot me now!"
***
Vikings apparently were not as bad as we have been led to believe. The stories we have been raised on are all stories told by their VICTIMS! so of course we are only getting one side of the story.
However, Ivar the Boneless (don't ask!) was the son of Ragnar Lothbrok...who is now appearing on a History channel near you...and was apparently a very bad man. After a lot of raping and pillaging he quit his day job and emigrated to......Dublin.
"I was sitting outside listening to music, and all the sudden I see a shadow go by me," Mr. Hennessy told WFTV news. "I look off to the side of me and just, well, I thought it was somebody, and I went to meet whoever it was and it was a bear. He got ahold of my clothes. I just started punching him and he ran off. I got right in his way.” My, My what a very brave or very stupid Mr. Hennessy.
Figuring he was on to a good thing Mr.Hennessy then said the bear dragged him around by his pant leg before he punched it and drove it off.
"It kind of charged at me," he said. "It was a tackle match for a second, he got ahold of my clothes and I just started punching him and he just ran off." He showed scratches to his leg and arm for dramatic effect.
Wow - that makes a great story - except:
The true story was that Mr. Hennessy saw a bear. He DECIDED TO CHASE it, but while running after the fleeing animal, he tripped and fell down on the gravel path, which caused some cuts and scraps to his arm and leg.
His original story was posted, along with a picture of young Mr. Hennessy, with his shirt off, holding the leash of his Doberman Pinscher.
Personally, I would have rooted for the bear to take Mr. Hennessy out of the gene pool.....but then the bear would have been punished - so never mind.
****
This headline will certainly make you sleep better:
30,000 year old giant virus 'comes back to life.'
It was found frozen deep in the Siberian permafrost and once it was thawed out it became infectious once again. I kid you not. They even named it....Pithovirus Sibericum...quite imaginative considering it is indeed a virus and was discovered in Siberia.
Unlike other virus, this one is SO LARGE it can be seen with a microscope. Tests, SO FAR, show that it attacks amoebas (single cell organisms) but does not infect humans or animals....YET!!! Cue eerie music here..
NOW the researchers are scratching their heads and wondering what else is in this region AND with climate change, could other virus be released as the earth thaws?? Well researchers - that is a very good question.
Stated one Professor "If you start having industrial exploration, the deep permafrost layers will be exposed and this is where the DANGER is coming from." So, a question I would like to ask.....for an educated man why is he ending his sentence with a preposition??? No - I want to ask, if there ARE any plans for industrial exploration and WHERE exactly did they find this potentially dangerous virus???
Just how long the virus can remain 'viable' after thawing is the million dollar question, because, when they do thaw they need to find a host ......and I quote...'pretty fast.'
But don't worry - stay away from the Siberian permafrost, and always carry a microscope - you should be just fine.
Things I've learned this week:
12 years a slave, which I have not seen, was nominated for nine academy awards. It was also considered the "Schindler’s List of slavery films,” That's a quote folks....so don't shoot the messenger.
*****
It is fine to show off our baby bump...but seriously...what was she thinking? And, hormones aside, why didn't he comment that this is NOT very flattering to wear to the Oscars - where the entire world is watching!! Ten years from now she will look at this picture and comment "shoot me now!"
***
Vikings apparently were not as bad as we have been led to believe. The stories we have been raised on are all stories told by their VICTIMS! so of course we are only getting one side of the story.
However, Ivar the Boneless (don't ask!) was the son of Ragnar Lothbrok...who is now appearing on a History channel near you...and was apparently a very bad man. After a lot of raping and pillaging he quit his day job and emigrated to......Dublin.
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