YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK - AND MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T TRY

Next year there is a reunion, of sorts, in my 'home town.' It is not a high school reunion and not an adoption or family reunion....it is for a dance hall. Yup - as underdeveloped, pimply faced, socially inept teens we used to hang out on the weekends at the local dance hall.

For some really strange reason a woman, who I don't even remember being at the dances and I was THERE A LOT, has decided that since this dance hall has actually been torn down (quite some time ago) 'we' should all go back home and.....well....dance in a tent in a parking lot.

My girlfriend, or shall I say Partner In Crime, has been bugging me about (without a gun to my head) attending this reunion. She keep sending me emails or telling me in our marathon three hour conversations, that really, we should go, it would be FUN. No, it would not be fun. Trust me.

She says....so and so will be there, remember them - NO.
How about so and so, you must remember them - AH, NO. I DON'T
Guess who isn't going, because they are DEAD?
I don't care....really...I don't......dead you say?? Hum.

I have recently been told that some of the rumors of their deaths have been greatly exaggerated.....ooopps!

"Ralph? Is that you? I thought you were DEAD!" What a great ice breaker.....

We used to go and hang out at the dance hall every weekend.We pre-gamed before the word was even invented, okay I pre-gamed, my friend would take a few sips and I would drink what was left. Most of the time we would go to just annoy the crap out of guys. Seeing as we are, or where before shrinking (see previous blog), five foot eight in our stocking feet we towered over a lot of the 'guys' our age.  Our idea of fun was to scrunch down on one of the benches that ringed the dance hall (by day a roller skating rink and at one time a wrestling venue no less) and when some poor, usually vertically challenged, airman from the local base asked us to dance we would unfold ourselves, preying mantas like, to our full height and say "Hell, yah!" and boogie off into the crowd. We just wanted to dance, not with each other, which is SO PRAIRIE..... but ....with....the opposite sex....men!!!

Because we were extremely 'well connected' in this extremely small town, we hung out with "the band(s)." Therefore....due to the fact that our friends where the entertainment and unavailable...and unless we danced with each other....we had to rely on some imported guys to provide us with our dancing entertainment.

So, do I really want to go back in time and shuffle my way around a plastic tent over potholed tarmac with a plastic wine glass clutched tightly in my left (look at me, I'm married ) hand during the summer heat? Not really. AND what if.....no one....and I mean....no one even remembers me????!!! Hell, I don't even know the woman who is organizing this....what if it is reciprocal? Worse yet....What if I AM remembered.....but as the person I was back then????!!!

The website, Facebook page, Twitter account and probably local church handout, state that even 'some of the bands are coming back to play.' Really - do I want to see out of shape, balding, arthritic fingered, aged musicians who I thought, at one time, looked really great? I have Paul McCartney, The Stones and every happy has-been band playing casinos for that.

There is also a statement on the website that says one of the women who are planning on attending the reunion, "and must be in her 90's" was a 'holy terror." What does that even mean? She's in her 90's.....eeewwww, she was dancing and showed an ankle???!!

The woman who is organizing this event is also planning on attending a SENIORS residence to chat up some of the oldtimers to see what memories they have......SERIOUSLY? Sadly, I see a book in the future.

Again, according to their Facebook page, they have sent out 543 invites.

To date they have received.... answers in the positive - 158, answers "maybe" 75.

I really do wish them luck and I sincerely hope they have a wonderful time shimmying down memory lane, and tripping the light fantastic.

BUT I don't want to see this guy.

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Now, there are a few people who I would like to see again - mostly because they gave me grief. Not necessarily at the dance hall...but just in my life.

The high school principal who would scare the crap out of  us when he had to substitute - but he is probably long dead by now (and I can only hope it was in some horrible way - like being electrocuted while out golfing by playing the big shot and volunteering to be the first to try out the new electric ball washer).

Then there was a short guy, with large glasses named George who used to walk by my house - while I was standing ON MY OWN STEP - and call me Bozo!!! In hindsight I should have raced after the little bugger and given him what for - his father was a dentist so he could have been fixed up without much expense.

And another guy named Howard - really - high school and your name is Howard??? He was a nerd - tall, skinny and dressed badly and liked to golf -  everyone made fun of him.......and he was my school square dance partner. Of course he was MY dance partner - not any of the cool guys in the class. I got Howard - probably because he was taller than me.  But I would like to see Howard again and find out how his life turned out. Maybe he became a golf pro and made lots of money and owns his own course....... and his golf course is where the principal got fried.

Things I've learned this week:

A Colorado-based Christian group is air-dropping Bibles on North Korea. I suppose they think this is a great idea about....spreading the word...but didn't do their research. In 2009, a 33-year-old woman was publicly executed in North Korea after being accused of distributing the Bible.

"Where did you get this bible!!!!???"
"It fell from the sky."
"Off with their heads!"

Way to go Christians.


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Irony at its best:

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Some people shouldn't be on a Russian dating site

WHY?

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There are WAY TOO MANY Facebook pages dedicated to peoples cats. If your cat is not in some way special it should not have it's own page. We know it is special to you, but not to the rest of us. Just like 1,000 pictures of your grandchildren - after the first dozen or so they all blur together. We get it - you like your cat!!!!

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Last week I posted a picture of a cookie with the word "Allah" on it. My husband looked and said - "I don't see it."

I pointed to the cookie - "No," he said "I just don't see it."

A second later it dawned on me and I explained "that's because you don't read Arabic."

Sorry to anyone who really, really tried to see the word Allah in English......