And another year goes by....in a flash!

I love Americans. Honestly, they are a constant source of amusement. You wouldn't think that an imaginary line in the sand...as in a Border...would make any difference, but it does. They think so differently than we Canucks.

With Christmas just passed we had been speaking about Boxing Day and getting strange looks. Now, I know that some Canadians don't even know the background material on Boxing Day, but the Americans haven't even heard of it!!!

So I asked, "What are you up to on Boxing Day?"

"Boxing Day?"

"Yes, Boxing Day. The day after Christmas."

"Why do you call it that?"

I explained what is behind Boxing Day ( if you really don't know....go to The Googler - NOW!) and they said,

"Oh, I thought you meant boxing, like fighting."

"No, not that. What do you Americans call the day after Christmas?"

"Ummm....The day after Christmas."   SEE! How amusing is that!!!!


*****

So, I'm sitting in my chair by the nice cozy fireplace and my Dear Husband says,

"Let's go to a vortex tomorrow and then after that get our Chakra's aligned."

I gave him THE LOOK...the one where I peer over the top of my glasses with a stony stare.

"I sincerely hope you are not serious." I said.

Perhaps we should stop making trips to Sedona...the get your aura painted, chakra aligned, psychic reading, women in long skirts and long grey hair and men with bald heads but tiny ponytails capital of the world.

Again....if you don't know what a Chakra alignment is please consult your nearest InterWeb. I believe it has something to do with having your shoes rotated........

***

Speaking of Sedona, there is a publication entitled The Sedona Excentric. Sedona's most entertaining paper - ever. It actually states that on the front page! It consists of articles written by people who, I am guessing here, consider themselves 'excentric'.

It is mostly about things that happen to them, their opinions on things and things in general. Gee, sort of like my Blog!!!

The entire front page of the latest issue had the headline 'Santa Claus Lays Off Elves.' Not....lays off elves likes lays off the booze after a Christmas binge, but lays them off as in unemployed. Really, the entire front page??? It was written by Blodwyn Smythe, which, I am once again assuming, is a pseudonym to protect them from crazy Sedona cat ladies writing in or bombing their houses. It was accompanied by a picture of a crying elf with the caption ' saddened elf after receiving his termination notice.'

The entire article was blaming a downturn in the economy, along with Corporate greed, for this series of unfortunate events leading up to Christmas. Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Claus thought they were protected by using Legal Zoom and set up a franchise only to discover there " had been a coup and an insider raid of Santa, LLC. " This left their stock at less than the needed fifty percent to influence corporate policy.  After crunching the numbers the new board downsized the number of gifts to be given out and therefore the laying off of elves.

Geez, ya just never know!


Things I have learned this week:

Santa just could be a functioning alcoholic. Really. How many drinks does he consume on Christmas eve while delivering gifts and he can still get into his sleigh. Mind you he does have a team of reindeer to take him home. The true meaning of designated drivers.

**

There is a melted snowman for sale on Ebay. Basically a clear bowl of water with a carrot lying in it.

**
A new calendar you may want to skip for the new year has the worlds 'Bendiest' woman on it.
Think I'll stick with my Collie calendar.

***

It IS much better to give than to receive.  Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and see you in the New Year...2015!!! YIKES!!!!

Ho Ho Hold on a minute.....

With Christmas just around the corner....?....I have already mailed out our cards and can sit back and wait for those arriving in my own mailbox.

Back in the day, before computers could do all the magic things that they do, I used to actually cut and paste our cards......not like scrapbooking. Oh No!! I would do collages and strange things that I thought where "creative." I would merrily gather a years worth of pictures, have them printed, then cut them up and arrange them, ever so artfully, onto a sheet and THEN have THAT printed....a lot of energy, trips to the mall and money. Not to mention a fortune in gluesticks!!

One year I made it appear that we where part of the Nativity scene.  Okay, in hindsight, perhaps that wasn't such a great idea.

But I have to admit that I don't ever remember sending something out one that would actually show up under "images of bad Christmas cards" on the InterWeb....like the few here. REALLY...what where they thinking???

Not only is the sweater incredibly bad, but what is with the pose? He sort of looks like Vin Diesel though....before he totally shaved his head, bulked up and got into movies...." A STAR, one day I will be a STAR!!!"

This must be his brother.....ta da! Or.I've fallen and I can't get up

Again - what's with the sweaters? AND are all those pets DEAD? I think he may just be wearing one on his head....

***

Gawker Media ran a competition in which 16 cities were pitted against each other, with the audience asked to vote on which city's accent they thought was the ugliest. I kid you not.

the company told the BBC its competition was meant to celebrate the regions.  Ugliest is celebrating??

Unfortunately for Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania it won.  I guess they can take heart, because their neighbour, Scranton, Pennsylvania won the "unhappiest region in the U.S.."

My question - why are people too happy to bash poor old Pennsylvania?

***


Our niece was in Las Vegas at a rodeo show - barrel racing is her sport...anyway....she posted this on her Facebook page:


Yesterday I bought a purse with a concealed weapon pocket in the back.... As the lady was explaining it to me, I told her "oh, we don't carry weapons in Canada" and in her southern accent she replied "oh, you poor dear".......Only in 'Mercia !

I had to laugh and then I wrote back: the right to bear arms....

The right to BEAR arms....as in Grizzly, Panda? Did I spell that correctly...or is it the "right to bare arms." Well, not in a Muslim country or perhaps the Vatican.

Funny how sometimes you right a word and it just doesn't LOOK .....write!

But I kept thinking to myself.... "I wonder how many Americans actually think it means the right to bare arms...as in to go sleeveless." You may laugh, but I'll bet you could find some....probably in Pennsylvania.




Things I have learned this week:

Sometimes my dear husband and I are not in sync. Example. I bought some dairy free (long story) coconut milk eggnog thinking it would be...less fat, healthier etc. for us to have over the festive Christmas holiday. Not that I am not going to be chowing down on everything in the chocolate department, or shortbread, or trifle.....

I took a tentative sip of the eggnog and then gave some to my dear husband, who said - yup that taste's okay.

AND THEN he said: "Do you know what would go really well with this eggnog?

and I said: RUM!!!!!!

and he said, "No........ FRUITCAKE."

Really?

***

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Collectibles is a Website dedicated to all things Christmas Vacation (obviously). Among the many fun items are Cousin Eddie wardrobe staples, moose mugs, and punch bowls. It's not too late to order them online....

***

I loathe TD Bank online banking even more than I thought. The ironic thing is that it is called EasyWeb!

All I want is to be able to print, from my computer, my VISA statement. Simple right? I used to be able to do that with my old bank (which I am missing more and more every day....).

So, I go into EasyWeb and try to print my statement - which is ON THE SCREEN. But it won't print so I copy and paste it and it turns out all gobbledee - but I CAN read it if I have to.

I call Tech support and get - well, let's just say English isn't the guys first language - always good for customer support. He asks me some questions and tells me to click here and there - nothing! I get locked out....great. Log back in and try again and then he says "You aren't set up to get that. I will have to transfer you over to our VISA expert for help." On comes Elizabeth who advises me that, no we aren't signed up for that....(even though I remember telling the person who set it up that this is what I wanted!!)

"But Elizabeth I can SEE it on the screen. I just want to print it. I won't be around when the bill is mailed to me at my house."

"The Primary holder has to set it up so you can print it from the screen." REALLY - well that ain't gonna happen. Dear husband has even less patience than I do for this sort of......stupid, stupid, stupid thing.

Then she goes on to tell me that this is all for our security etc etc. Well....I figure if a person gets this far on my online banking the only other thing they can possibly do is        PAY MY F***ING VISA!

Needless to say - I copied and pasted and will sort it all out when I get my actual paper printed, in the mail VISA statement. I just want to give them some money on time...is it really that hard????

***

Even though Freddy Mercury has been gone for quite a while, dear husband and I watched Queen, Live Aid - Wembley 13 July 1985 on Youtube. Still a great showman, still a great talent, gone too soon. R.I.P. Freddy Mercury. If you have a few minutes to watch this it is worth the time. My gift to you.....


****

With all of the media/online/tweets/twitter/Facebook these days it is very, very easy for people to 'say' things that they really should think about before their fingers do the typing (or keboarding)  so my new tagline for 2015

Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it.


Have a great Christmas and we'll see you on the other side.....

ORATIONS......JUST STOP, OKAY!!!

There is a saying 'too much information' and it seems to be applying itself to email, texts, twitter et al. I don't Twitter (well occasionally I am sure that I do...but not THAT kind). I just don't understand why people think they are SO important that they have to tell absolutely everything that is crossing their wee minds. Do I need to know that someone is enjoying a Starbucks???

We have a friend who considers himself a, let's say, philosopher. Personally, I don't agree with the majority of the stuff that spews out of his mouth, but he seems harmless enough. He is a 'socialist' and union rep so, at times, he thinks himself quite important.....as our eyes slowly glaze over.

His last email was to give us a link to something of interest.......but before the link part of the email he wrote about three major paragraphs on what he thought about said link......then he ended the email with: " I don't know why I got off on this tangent but here is the link."

Well, dear man....it is because you LIKE the sound of  your own voice....even if it is the voice in your head.

AND speaking of too much information. I was sitting having my morning coffee when I hear one hell of a crash! I immediately thought the cat had jumped onto something and knocked it over and went running downstairs. I even heard my husband say "Oh crap!"  Nope, nothing downstairs so trundled up the stairs again and my husband called out "You had better come see this."

I walked into our bathroom and discovered the shower wall had - exploded! Glass bits all over the floor, into the hall way from under the door - just tiny bits of blue sparkles everywhere.......

the too much information part: my hear husband was on the toilet when it happened!!!

No people or animals where hurt during this event.

****

On a recent Malaysian Airlines flight, which just happened to include the Mayor of London, England, Boris Johnson, a drunk was handcuffed, tied up and strapped to a seat.

He was being very abusive - racially - and demanding more drinks. Like he needed THOSE??? And yelling things out non stop.......

The Mayor tied to calm him down, as did several of the crew, but to no avail. The part of the story that I found amusing was when they stated:

"the man calmed down and started to sober up. However he was still belligerent and at one point rolled down the aisle with his hands in cuffs."

WHAT? He ROLLED down the aisle? These days you can barely WALK down the aisle, let alone roll. Was he like really, really small? Was he from the circus? Did he roll heels over head?     HHHHMMMM....further news at 11.


Things I have learned this week:

Back in the day I used to draw pictures, in pencil, of people like...oh Paul McCartney - hey, I WAS THIRTEEN!! I would tack them onto my wall and when that got old I would take them down and replace them with another drawing. Never in my dreams did I think of actually sending the person a drawing.....well....

there is a website entitled sadanduseless.com and it has pictures of really horrible fan art....as in..."he's my hero, I just love him, let me show him by drawing a picture...and mailing it to him and hoping he will love it and send me something back" (hopefully not a restraining order).

not ONE is a good picture....I mean, they hardly even look like the person they are supposed to represent.

Example one:

Guesses???? Anyone???

 this is supposed to be Justin Beiber and Justin Timberlake....why he is in a dress and stockings????  I have no idea.

And this one is kind of close to the person on the right....or at least...I think it portrays a personality trait more than anything:

It is SUPPOSED to be Mel Gibson....I have no idea who the other person is.....but they seem to have hair everywhere but their head

Some times things are just weird:

The sight of this bright green cat on the streets of Varna in Bulgaria has caused a certain amount of uproar in the Black Sea resort town. Because of the assumption that the cat was painted in green by a vandal a facebook group named 'Punishment to the the perpetrator of this criminal act!' appeared online. But in fact the emerald green cat is this hue reportedly because it usually sleeps on an abandoned heap of synthetic green paint in a garage. True or not???? I can't believe the cat is totally covered in paint....as in evenly painted...all over....OR not dead from toxins. Me thinks there is something a foot and it is not of four feet but two.