WHAT MAKES SOMEONE.....GREAT?

People who know me REALLY well know that I love to pour over obituary notices. You can tell a lot about the people, and the people who wrote about them and their relationships. Okay - love - is probably not an appropriate word here, but I do it more out of curiosity than anything. I am also an advocate for writing your own Obituary....even though I haven't done mine because.....I feel I still have lots of time left. Well, ya never know, so perhaps I should get on that.

Recently a man named John (who they called Jack - I must try and find out why the British do this name change thing...) ANYWAY, a man named John/Jack passed away and what caught my eye was not the pictures of him as a young man, along side a picture of him, obviously in a hospital bed, older and SMILING, but the length of the obituary itself.

I KNOW what it costs to put in an obituary, and it ain't cheap!

I began to read "with heavy hearts and deepest sorrow..." and I looked at the picture of older John/Jack and I got the sense that, yes, it was indeed with heavy hearts and deepest sorrow that they made this announcement. He radiated....I don't know exactly, but almost a calm reassurance and a good, kind heart....just through the expression on his face.

I read on about how John/Jack made a career in banking and later opened a cleaning franchise. He was well rounded and diverse. He was a motorcycle road racing champ, a chess player, a golfer, a member of a rifle team and, in later life, obtained the highest class average in computer programming at a local college.

He loved 'all things English' ( as do I). Including Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood, limericks and British pub songs, just to name a few from the Obit.

He was an inventive and imaginative father; creating treasure hunts with invisible ink and encrypted coded clues. Along with that he and his two daughters loved drama and created audio tapes - "An Appointment with Fear." What fun!!!

Among the other numerous attributes listed John/Jack was a self taught harmonica player and painter.

AND of course - he loved animals!

As I said, the Obit was long....and glowing, about his advice on life issues, his forgiving and gracious nature and his wonderful rendition of the "Darktown Poker Club" One of my dear husbands favs!!!

John/Jack seemed to be a wonderful, and rare man. But the line that got me the most was:

"his ability to show emotions whenever he spoke of his family, beliefs or convictions and his unwavering integrity and commitment to putting others and their needs before himself."

I think the world could learn a lot from John/Jack and how he lived.

*****

Speaking of...well...death. The funeral song that seems to be pulling into the lead is not Amazing Grace, My Way or a religious hymn, but Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. Yes, the song from The Life of Brian by Monty Python....a toe tapper if there ever was one.

One that has been requested but refused: Queens  Who Wants to Live Forever.


******

I read, with great dismay, that there is a movement afoot to have the Swiss stop eating cats and dogs. Yes - you read that right!


A petition with 16,000 signatures has been handed to the Swiss parliament, calling for the government to stop people eating "domestic animals" as, apparently, three percent of the Swiss "secretly" eat cat or dog.

And even more disturbing.....cat appears on traditional Christmas menus in some areas of Switzerland. It is often cooked for the festive season in a similar way to rabbit - with white wine and garlic.

According to that go to place - Wikipedia: 'The cuisine of Switzerland is multifaceted. While some dishes such as fondue, raclette or rösti are omnipresent through the country, each region developed its own gastronomy according to the differences of climate and languages. Traditional Swiss cuisine uses ingredients similar to those in other European countries, as well as unique dairy products and cheeses such as Gruyère or Emmental, produced in the valleys of Gruyères and Emmental. '

No mention of Pussy in a Pot, Cat ala Carte, or Dog Tartar.


A large number of international institutions have their seats in Switzerland, in part because of its policy of neutrality. Geneva is the birthplace of the Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement and the Geneva Conventions and, since 2006, hosts the United Nations Human Rights Council.It also hosts the UN Agency the World Health Organization. No mention of an animal humane society.......

Note to self: don't visit Switzerland, especially at Christmas. . ......

You'd better not meow, you better just hide, Santa Claus is coming to town.....

****


Speaking of animals. I have been perusing the Interweb because I have a sneaky suspicion that our housesitter is going to propose to his girlfriend and that will put an end to him watching my house - as in LIVING here.

I saw a question from someone asking how much they should charge to take care of a cat, not live in, just water, feed etc. and I read this response.

"About $50.00 a week. But I pay my cat sitter $20/day to come to my house, check on the food, change the water, poop-scoop and inject my cat with insulin. All things considered, she is in and out in under 15 minutes a day, not including travel time. However, my cat tries to kill her."

Is that danger pay???



Things I have learned this week:

A friend of mine gave me some jam and told me it was Marionberry. I had never heard of such a berry so I went to The Google. It is a berry quite like a blackberry and is found in Marion County in Oregon....it is NOT a former mayor of a large U.S. city - Marion Barry - who recently died and was up on charges of drugs and crack smoking. The jam was great!!!

****

I talk to my animals WAY too much. I discovered this when the furnace repair guy was here and kept thinking I was talking TO HIM. So I kind of toned down the rhetoric a bit...

"For God's sake Hope!!! It's the dog!!!!!.....he has lived here for over five years!"

"Do you want to go out for a pee pee? Come on then, out you go...."

"Hope - SHUT UP!" What do you want??? I have fed you, your litter box is clean, you have milk....what? what????"

"Dan, no matter how much you stare I am not giving you my lunch. EEEWWW stop drooling on the floor!"

And some people wonder what I do all day.......

****

This morning at Starbucks, when the lady asked for my name, I told her ''Voldemort." When the guy called out the name for pick-up, he said, "VOL...uhhh...He Who Must Not Be Named."

You had to be there.......

YOU SIR ARE AN ASS

We haven't watched Sons of Anarchy season six yet....because...well..our Canadian Netflix doesn't carry SOA anymore. We will however, be able to catch up when we watch it down in the U.S. of A in December on our next trip.

So there are no spoilers here!!!

However the scuttleBUTT (har har) is that some people are not happy about seeing main character, Charlie Hunnam's beautiful ass on their pristine television screens during the final season seven which is now playing.

As Entertainment Weekly points out, a group of uptight anti-ass folks known as the Parents Television Council doesn't want you to see the very, very lovely naked ass of Hunnam. What set them off? Apparently, this week's episode, which featured a whole lot of fake television sex and even more Hunnam ass. We HAVE seen it before....season one, season two, season three, season four, season five...

I don't hear the Parents Television Council crying out about Jonathan Rhys Meyers humping his way through the history of sixteenth century England on The Tudors....... "oh, but that is HISTORY and EDUCATIONAL" - No, it's not, there is a LOT more to history than Henry doing what comes naturally, even if he is doing it in period costume.

And, really folks - your children should not be watching SOA! Seriously, it glorifies really bad people making really bad decisions and getting into really bad situations that they can't get out of. It is all very Shakespearean when it comes down to it, only with more flesh, so to speak.

On the upside there is no f***ing......as in swearing, on The Sons, but more of the the actual physical thing, which is what got everyone excited this last while. This time I don't hear them protesting about the burning of bodies, shooting of people, knifing or beating.....just one bum shot!

Neither FX or show creator Kurt Sutter has responded to the Parents Television Council's grievance.

and....Charlie Hunnam's ass could not be reached for comment. But the rest of him looks like this....

As Entertainment Weekly reports, it's not the first time the group has complained about Sons of Anarchy, a show they should clearly just stop watching already!

 I agree, from what I saw while researching for you lot.....It's raw, it's naked and it is sex (which I don't think should be a spectator sport no matter whose ass is involved)....for goodness sake it's SOA!!! SEASON SEVEN!!! Get over it! You have opposable thumbs - you can turn the set off!

And under the heading "there is nothing new under the sun" I remember back in the 1990's when NYPD Blue pushed the envelope by including shots of naked butts during sex scenes. Dennis Franz was one of the first to display his moneymaker on the series as Detective Andy Sipowicz. Despite heavy criticism — including calls to boycott the show — NYPD Blue’s ratings kept going up and up.

Dennis is the guy on the right. So whose ass would you rather look at - A Hunnam or a Franz?  The other guy in this picture...well...you saw a lot of his butt too. Eventually he did turn into a real ASS and no one in Hollywood would hire him for a very...long....time. I am sure you know who he is.

Note to self - I would rather watch the character Jax (Charlie Hunnam) bouncing around doing the deed that look at a Kardashian's well oiled ass.

You be the judge:

Is this even physically possible???

******

While visiting a friend in Edmonton this last weekend we went out for lunch and sat next to a family who was celebrating a woman's birthday.

One of the other women handed her a box and said something about it being late......

It turned out to be a calendar or a calendar holder - we didn't want to gawk! But the ensuing conversation really got our attention.

the Giftee said that she "already had a calendar that she used and that she didn't need another one."

There was just SILENCE at the table, then conversation continued and she didn't say 'thank you' or 'it was a nice gesture anyway' NO - she waited literally a few MINUTES and we heard her say:

"You know, I really can't think of ANYWHERE that I could possible use this."

Wow - drop her off your Christmas list.



Things I have learned this week:

Over the last decades many things have been sent up into space for "aliens to find". (For those of you in the southern U.S. of A reading this...it does not mean Mexican aliens...but space aliens.)

"Send my love to the aliens. All the best, Paul."

That was the message from Paul McCartney when, in 2008, Nasa beamed into space the Beatles song Across the Universe via its Deep Space Network.  How anyone finding this will have the correct way to play it is beyond me..I can't even find the right cables for my Blackberry Playbook and phone!

The Beatles song is travelling across the universe at a speed of 186,000 miles per second to reach North Star, Polaris, which is 431 light years away from Earth.

Here is a partial list of important historical ....stuff ......we humans have decided are important enough to represent our civilization.

 Luke Skywalker's Lightsaber

 A colour photograph of the city of Oxford

 A black and white diagram of human sex organs

 A sound recording of a shepherd herding sheep

 Johnny B Goode by Chuck Berry

 Buzz Lightyear toy. The astronaut action figure of the Toy Story films.

 Lots of dead space monkeys, many called Albert

  A saxophone

 A copy of Playboy Magazine

 A triple barrel TP-82 capable of 40 gauge shotgun rounds

And most importantly.......The ashes of Gene Roddenberry

****

You can actually have all your Christmas shopping done and all your Christmas cards written by November 11th! Bring on the carols....I will be so sick of it all by December 1st!!!

NOT EVERYTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS.....

Garth brooks has a new song out that is 'bringing country western fans to tears.' It brought me to tears as well, because it is SO BAD! At the time I was very, very disappointed in our Garth.

Really, if anyone else had laid claim to these lyrics they would have been lambasted. The melody is just okay, his voice is as great as ever but the words..... Apparently it is a conversation between God and a baby. The Christians are all over this one because the ending tells the baby that 'mom' will put them on a path that will bring them back to "me".... as in God.

'A little baby told God,
Hey I’m kinda scared, don’t really know if
I wanna go down there,

 ( "Hey, I'm kinda scared"  Hey? Hey! This is supposedly GOD you are talking to!!)

Because from here it looks like a little blue ball
But that’s a great big place and I’m so small.

Why can’t I just stay here with you?

( Because baby, after nine months of morning sickness, back ache and swollen feet it is time for you to GET OUT! At least that is what the WOMAN would be thinking...I don't know about God.)


Did I make you mad, don’t you want me, too?’
And God said, ‘Oh child, of course I do,
 But there’s somebody special that’s waiting for you...'

It sort of gets worse from here and then repeats a bunch and then ends....sob, sob, sob.

He even lifted the lyrics "So hush now little baby don't you cry." Really Garth - we all know those aren't yours.

Am I being cynical about this, oh yeah. I am not opposed to a song about God, or babies or God and babies......it's just that it is SO BAD and if Garth hadn't recorded it no one would ever hear it! Which might just be a good thing.

During a live performance by Garth on Good Morning America all the women were balling their eyes out and fanning themselves while Garth got all choked up over how much money this song was going to bring in.

And then it dawned on me. Garth doesn't write his own songs....and I researched on The Google and sure enough two guys wrote this song, but one of them wasn't the Garthmeister. And they are going to be laughing all the way to the bank.

I like Garth Brooks and have several of his albums. I even went to see him perform and he is a pro. But this time he has sold out big time.

His new album is entitled Man Against the Machine - I am thinking it is the Money Making Machine and Garth is the forerunner in the race. GAG!

*****

What lengths would you go to for a date? When it comes to the over-populated world of online dating, two men have taken matters to the extreme to promote themselves above the crowd.

Match.com 3D printed life-size mannequins of two of its members in a bid to boost their chances of finding The One.

Passing women are encouraged to click through to the pair's dating profiles to find out further information.

I have actually seen the guys on a lot of these dating sites and this is not them! (and NO, I wasn't looking for men for myself!) ANYWAY - the majority of the men on the sites are regular, man on the street, guys. And you know the expression "the man on the street is not...." So, to pick two relatively nice looking guys to try this one is a bit silly.

What they need to do is have a sloppy, fat guy, wearing a Harley Davidson T-shirt, camo pants, and a ball cap, holding a can of beer in one hand with a profile that reads something like "Slightly chunky and loves the outdoors."  Then see how successful they are!

Besides, I don't think the guy in the blue sweater is looking for a woman.



Things I've learned this week:

It was Singles Day in China on Tuesday, a type of Valentine's Day that sees people celebrate their single status by buying billions of dollars worth of items online.

 But one Chinese programmer was so sick of being single that he spent more than $120,000 buying 99 iPhone 6s to propose to his girlfriend.

She said NO - wow!

***
A very ambitious shoplifter was caught attempting to steal a chainsaw by stuffing it down his shorts. The 28-year-old escaped on his bicycle while being chased by employees from the store, who called the police.

He ditched the chainsaw in a bush and was later spotted searching some woodland near the store and was arrested.

****

There is a Christmas song which features David Bowie and Bing Crosby. Seriously, on Sirrius. I can't make this stuff up!

*****

How low can you go.....well....

The Department of National Defence says Franck Gervais, a man who claimed; while being interviewed,  to be a decorated soldier during Tuesday's Remembrance Day ceremony at the National War Memorial in Ottawa, is not a member of the Canadian Forces.

"During CBC's extensive coverage of Remembrance Day commemorations in Ottawa, we interviewed many veterans and serving members of the Canadian Forces. These included one man who had been standing among a group of uniformed personnel. To civilian eyes, he appeared to be an authentic soldier,"

"We have since learned that he was not, that his uniform was not correct, and that he was wearing medals he had not earned. All this was drawn to our attention by veterans and serving members, who were upset."  Ya think!

And just when you thought you had seen and heard it all.....

I bet his parents are VERY proud!

PLANNING IS EVERYTHING....

Looking to buy flowers for a funeral? ...while you are at it, pick up an urn, as in crematorial urn or even your own casket. You can't actually take the casket home with you, but you can order it on line for delivery. Apparently Costco U.S. has been doing this for a while. Who knew?

"Just put it over there in the garage. I won't be needing it for a while. Thanks."

What IS the shipping cost on something like that? Need it in a hurry, no problem. Overnight express - no problem, just sign here.

"Uncle Harold died? Quick get to The Google!! We need that casket pronto."

An aside here: my mother actually knew a woman who bought her own casket and had it delivered to her home. She returned it twice because she decided she didn't like the colour, white would "get too dirty" and the blue was "too blue." I kid you not.

ANYWAY - There is a store here in my hometown, where you can pick up an urn for $99.00 and a casket for $999.00...plus taxes of course. Because there is no overhead and the caskets and urns are made in China (or as we like to say "It's made in She-Nay") they can be sold at a much lower price than a funeral home. One could say that these prices are to die for!


Here is a sample of caskets you can order online -

"Fairway to Heaven" - Seriously???

"The Last Supper"....okay, even I think this is a bit much, what if the departed had choked to death?

"The Race is Over" - Yes, you have crossed the finish line

hmmm.....decisions, decisions

****

I have a pet peeve.

We are forever looking at houses for sale, new home styles, pictures of renovations....I don't know why, because we aren't planning on A) moving anytime soon or B) any more renovations. But we do peruse - it is a lot like tire kicking when in a car lot.

So, my pet peeve is when you see a lovely kitchen and it states it has an island - generally a large granite island. And 'they' state you can eat at said island. Well, you can, but more often than not there is a stove top or a sink stuck in the damned thing. REALLY. Do you want to eat next to your sink? Do you want to eat next to your stove? NO, I don't and it is the one thing that would be a deal breaker for me if I was in the lookout for a new kitchen or new house. Which I am not.  

So many times I see a home all staged with place mats, plates, glasses parked within inches of the sink. How often is there NOTHING in your sink? Not a fork or spoon, a cup, a plate....even though you have a dishwasher, but your partner doesn't seem to know where it is....but that is another blog!!!! Generally there is something sitting in your sink....hell even your dishrag...who wants to eat looking at a dishrag?

Think about it. Am I not right????

'This dinner is delicious honey and I love the way the candle light bounces off the stainless sink oh, and does that dishrag smell of lemon?' 

******

Things I've learned this week:

Apparently Canadian seniors are falling into the bankruptcy pit!!! What... you ask?
YES, you read that right. The older gen who should be soaking up the sun in warmer climes this winter, after paying their dues all of their lives, are the fastest growing segment of bankrupt people in the country.

Okay, you say, they are living longer and really, at 85 can you really still travel? But health and age aside this is not the reason for them staying put. Yes, their pensions may not be keeping up with the cost of living and perhaps they are still supplementing their income with credit but....the true reason:

They are having to bail out their grown children and grandchildren!!

I was aghast!

AND I know, seniors are far from the only demographic getting into financial troubles, but they have no one to turn to. They can't call up Mom and Dad for a loan, because Mom and Dad are LONG GONE. But in this age of entitlement (and I mean that OTHER demographic - 18 to 29 year olds) children and children's children have no trouble hitting up the old folk. 26% of the general population polled stated they couldn't pull together $2,000.00 over the next month if they had to.

Well, November is Financial Literacy Month. It is time to get your financial house in order.....cuz those old peeps aren't going to be around forever and the following generation is already in deep trouble!


***

While scarfing down he "leftover" Halloween candy (and at this point I will mention that I bought WAY more than what was required. Because....you never know when a bus load of impoverished inner city kids may show up at your country door demanding treats) I noticed on the Rolo package a note that said "natural flavours" with a huge green check mark beside it.

Oh, I thought to myself, then it must be better for you than those sickly sweet treats without the huge green check mark. Well, no. Along with ingredients like wheat, glucose-fructose, salt, sodium carbonate there was listed "Natural flavours." Really? That's it? No explanation of what the 'natural flavours' are from....fruit, vegetables, herbs, mouse droppings?

I mean, a caster bean is a 'natural flavour'.....it is also called Ricin...and it will kill you!

****

Sometimes it's the little things in life that make you laugh and laugh